All these things I hate [in my head]
There are a million random thoughts racing through my head today, so I’m apologizing ahead of time for the jumpy mess that is sure to follow this little introduction.
I’m still feeling like I got hit by a transport. It has recently occured to me that I haven’t really explained my medical condition in detail on this blog. Usually when I mention it, I throw in a link to my other blog that focuses on my MHE woes. However, it’s come to light recently that having one blog for my daily life and one blog for my MHE life is a bit contradicting. I tend to repeat things (on those rare occasions I update) on my other blog. So from now on I’m not really going to blog on that blog. It only makes sense…I mean after all (as much as I hate to admit it) my MHE is a part of my every day life. It doesn’t just appear sometimes, it’s always present. It doesn’t seem fair to make people go to another blog just to read about that aspect of my life, and I’m sure most of my readers don’t have the time to jump back and forth.
Anyways, lets get down to the nitty gritty of explaining MHE. MHE, or Multiple Hereditary Exostoses, is a rare disorder that effects the bones. You can click here for a medical definition, but to put it bluntly I have extra calcium in my body that produces extra bones, called bone growths (or bone tumours, or “knobs” as my new doctor likes to call them). These bone growths grow in clusters around joints and off other bones in my body. It’s possible to have a very slight, almost not there case of MHE, which would be just a few bone growths here and there on your legs or arms. My MHE is slightly more several, and I’m basically covered from my shoulder blades down to my toes.
There is no cure for MHE and it is a chronic pain illness as these bones cause joint inflammation and can cut off nerves and put stress on the muscles. There is a treatment for MHE, and that is invasive surgery. The surgerons basically cut you open and shave down or remove the extra bone growths to stop them from clustering around joints, cutting off nerves or putting stress on the surrounding muscles. Recovery time can be as quick as a few weeks to several months, or there is a possiblity of never recovering. Sometimes, if the knife slips during the surgery it can damage the nerves or muscle tissue just as badly as leaving the bone growth there can. I’ve had several “emergancy” operations to remove bone growths on my legs that were cutting off the nerves and damaging the muscles. In grade 8 I faced the future of either accepting my diploma from a wheelchair or accepting my diploma from, well, a wheelchair. The bone growth was causing far too much damage to the surrounding nerves and muscles, and if my doctor didn’t operate than I would lose the use of that leg. Because the bone growth caused so much damage, the nerves didn’t completely heal in my right foot.
I’ve had around 10 or so surgeries, and I have roughly 17 scars on my arms and legs. I’m still waiting to hear back from my specialist on when my next surgery will be, as several locations are causing me extreme constant pain.
I don’t like to talk about this often because I fear people will think I’m complaining, or looking for attention. I know many people who think that I use my MHE as a cop out so I don’t have to work. However, I really truly DO want to have a job, I want to work and make money. The reality of it is that most of the positions available for students are physically demanding. It’s not like I’ve never worked a day in my life and just decided to believe that I can’t. I’ve worked at fast food places before, and my body just coudn’t handle it. I can’t stand for long periods of time, and I can’t walk for long periods of time. There goes basically any job available for me to apply at. Most companies are not willing to make exceptions and would choose to not hire you rather than make a few exceptions.
So there you have it, I’ve explained what MHE is, the treatment for it, and why I’m constantly in pain. No, I’m not fishing for sympathy or anything like that - I’m just wanting to explain a few things about me. MHE is a small part of me, but in my hearts of hearts I know that it does not define who I am. My mind does though. In my mind, I like to think of myself as a fighter. Every fighter has successes and every fighter has failures.
~*~*~
Now, on to some other thoughts in my head…I’m stressing out big time about college. I only have like one more week and I still haven’t gotten my books yet. I’m still trying to figure out how the hell to work the college website and get my book list. After I finish this post, I plan on calling the college and getting them to walk me through it - since clearly I’m doing something wrong here. Than hopefully I can pick up those books today, and other school supplies. Bam will be coming with me, hopefully he’ll be my pack mule 
College books are heavy! I also need to look in to getting a locker…although I may just keep my books in my car, that way I don’t have to spend money on a locker (since I don’t have any to spend haha).
Bam asked me the other day if I really wanted to be a Dental Receptionist and Administrator. The answer is no, not really. I would rather be a published author, but I’ll settle for a Dental Receptionist and Administrator for now. It’s a career that doesn’t lack jobs, pays well, and probably has super awesome dental benefits. It will give me a paycheck big enough to live off of, and time to work on my stories in the evenings. So ya, I’ll be a Dental Receptionist and Administrator, and I won’t back down from this. The program is only a year, and I want to do really well on it. I want to get highest ranking graduate in my program as well as be on the college and presidents honor roll.
Since I do have to take Accounting, I’m a bit nervous. Math has NEVER been my strong suit, and hopefully I’ll understand the gibberous that the professor will surely spew in lectures. I won’t fall behind, and if I really don’t understand it I will see about getting a tutor. I have to do well, failing is not an option.
If my surgeron calls with a surgery date that happens to be while I’ve got classes, I won’t be accepting it. Sure, I do need the surgery, but I also need to get an education. I refuse to fall behind. They will just have to book it for the holidays or when school is out. They had their chance to operate on me this summer, but were too busy. The school year is my busy time.
Anyways, I’ve taken up enough of everyone’s time for today. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to post tomorrow.
Posted by Sarcastica @
9:25 am |
Too Much and Not Enough
I thought that yesterday would be easier, because the first day is always the hardest…right? In a sense, it was easier. I knew what to do and I got better at making beds and finishing them at a certain time. In another sense, it was harder. Harder on the body, harder on the spirits.
I was finished work at a quarter to 5. It was a long day because some of the other workers were not worker their hardest and therefore, we had to help them finish their rooms. By the time I got into the car, I was aching from head to toe. By the time I got to Bam’s house and crashed on his bed, I was so stiff and sore moving felt impossible.
I called my mom crying, and Bam crying too (since he was at Dragon’s) because I hurt so much and just knew that tomorrow would be worse. I wasn’t sure if I could put my body through it again, I wasn’t sure if my body would let me put it through that again. I knew that there was no way in hell I would make it through this week.
I feel stupid and pathetic. I’ve only worked two days at the hotel, and yet I am unable to work another day there. I can’t. My body refuses to cooperate with what I want. What I want is to work like any other normal person, to make money and be proud of what I’m doing. My body and my mind are two different things. My body shys away from pain, while my mind tries to overcome it and continue on. All day long I kept saying to myself “If I make it through one more day, I’ll be that much stronger” but at the end of the day I was that much weaker.
I’m ashamed of myself, really ashamed. The housekeeper supervisor went out on a limb and hired me. She told me she hoped I didn’t screw them over after I assured her I could work every weekend. I was sure that I could, I was positive I could train my body and mind to cope with the pain and work those 2 days a week. But the issue at hand is that I’m supposed to work every day for the rest of the summer, and I know everywhere in my body and mind that that goal is just impossible for me to meet.
I bet the ladies I worked with are all standing around the staff room bitching about how I let them down and how I’m a horrible person. After all, there was only going to be about 4 people working today. I was one of those people. But I know that if I had gone in today, I wouldn’t have been any help at all. I would have been slow and stupid, and annoyed the girl who was training me.
I probably should have told the housekeeper supervisor about my medical condition before accepting the job, but I was too afraid too. Every other place that I was honest with ended up not hiring me because I couldn’t do all the things they wanted me to do.
I probably should have realized just how tough housekeeping is. It’s a nonstop standing, bending, crouching, walking, moving job. Sure, I got three breaks throughout the day - two fifteen minute ones and one half hour one - but that wasn’t enough for me.
I feel lower than low, and sorer than sore. I know that I’m not going to find that “dream job” right now, but a job that I could do without causing myself too much pain and discomfort would be pretty sweet.
Bam thinks I should go on disability since it’s hard for me to find a job that I can physically do. I don’t know though. I have high morals about what I will and will not do reguarding my medical disability. I’m not dying, I can walk (sometimes) and I’m resourceful, so why shouln’t I work? I don’t take pain killers because a) they don’t work and b) I dislike not being incontrol of my thoughts. I probably should start taking something, but I don’t want to. Besides, clearly my doctor is too busy, for he hasn’t called me back yet reguarding my surgery date or reguarding my inquiry about booking another appointment so he could look at that bone growth on my hip that’s growing rapidly. Plus I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m weak. Always calling with my questions, always begging for answers.
I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do at this point. I liked the people I worked with (though they probably hate me now) and the job was interesting for the most part, it was just too hard on my body. I feel weak saying that. I need the money but I know that I can’t do it, because if I do I’ll end up in the hosptial due to loosing the use of some important limb.
Edit: I just spoke to the housekeeper supervisor. I expected her to be all angry at me and frustrated, but surprisingly she wasn’t. I guess it’s cause I breifly mentioned on my first day that winters might be hard on me, and because the girl who trained me saw one of my scars and asked me about it, so I told her. I have a feeling she reports everything I say to the housekeeper supervisor, so in a way that’s a good thing. The supervisor is going to talk to the overall boss to see if I can get in at reception, but since I can’t do housekeeping anymore I’m no longer worker there. Hopefully I can get in to do housekeeper, that or at least get an interview with the people at the call center. I need cash soon times.
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7:07 am |
Girls Minds vs Guys Minds
Sometimes I totally hate being a girl. I mean, I know that’s a completely over dramatic thing to say, but really. Girls are so emotional, they over analyze everything and most of them suck at that important thing called trust. Sure, there are the exceptions: but I’m not one of them. I’m as emotional as they come, and I wouldn’t say that I don’t trust; I just tend to think about the possibility of being let down…more than I probably should.
That doesn’t mean I don’t trust…because I do. I trust Booth with all of my heart. I just get really insecure sometimes…not all the time, but I have my days where I honestly wonder why on Earth this amazing guy is with me - and its not his fault at all. It’s mine, for being insecure. My thoughts are never “OMG he’s gonna cheat on me because that’s the kind of guy he is,” but more or less; “How can I keep him happy? I’m pretty damn uninteresting.”
I’m working on it though, because I really am getting sick of that negative little voice in my head. The voice that can occasionally make itself heard over the ramblings of my thoughts. It shoots little negative comments out, such as “You’ll never look as good as that girl there,” when a pretty girl walks by with the “perfect” shape.
Like I said, I’m working on it.
I honestly do believe that once I find a job (knock on wood that it happens soon) and/or start school in September, that negative voice in my head will dull the hell down. Right now I just feel useless and lazy, and I want money. Like soon times.
I’ve got a busy weekend ahead of me; tomorrow I’m cleaning and gutting out my bedroom and getting ready to move…into Kate’s bedroom! That’s after I paint it of course. I wanted to paint it a rich royal purple, or hot pink, or bright green or an orange colour. But those colours don’t fly to well with mom; she doesn’t want any dark colours and the rest of the selection makes her gag. But blue (the room’s current colour) feels cold to me. Maybe I can talk her in to hot pink, or deep purple.
Or red…
And on top of that, Birdman’s having a party tomorrow night, and then theres a huge BBQ this Sunday. Saturday I’ll probably be moving into the room, and/or visiting Kate at her new apartment. And then I get to look forward to next weekends camping trip with Booth! I get to meet his step mom and his best friend
Anyways, I’m tired and should start the cleaning bit of this program.
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9:04 pm |
Typo-clock in the Morning
Bah. I just replied to comments over at this post, with quite a view spelling and grammatical errors. Hey! Don’t hate on me, it’s only 10ish in the morning and I just woke up. I probably wouldn’t have been up for another two hours or so [I was up late reading last night, a really good book called The Blue Girl by Charles de Lint - check it out if you like fairy folklore stories and fantasy] but I got a phone call from the gas station.
So backing it up a bit, since I haven’t updated in like four days…my interview with the gas station went swell - or at least I think so, I had my interviewer laughing and smiling the entire time. But I didn’t get the job because they “don’t need anybody now”. Personally, I think it’s because I told him I was unable to do the physical aspect of the job; which is go to all the parking lots and collect garbage. I have issues opening bottles of pop. I think they just found someone able to do everything they wanted, never mind if I have super awesome skills on cash and I’m like the best friendliest person in the world. Never mind that I treat all costumers like the wickedly awesome and interesting people they are - even the assholes. Although I do have a slight attitude with the asshole costumers, but I swear it’s nothing detectable.
So ya, anyways back to the phone call; I had already found out they didn’t need anybody, but today I got a call from the Eastbound gas station owned by the same guy. They are still looking for someone and wanted to know if I would like to have an interview with them. Hells yes! Sure as shit I want a chance at getting a job and making some money so I can pay off my Visa bill and start getting myself a good credit rating! Hells yes I want money for dollar beer nights with the girls! Hells yes I wanna throw a bunch of money at Bell and say cut my damn cell phone off, then sneak off to Rogers and get a brand new plan with Booth! [We both talked about it, and it makes sense; the only people we actually call are each other, so if we can get a plan with unlimited texting and calling to each other than that would be just peachy keen swell don't cha think?]
But ya, my interview is tomorrow at lunch time. After my G2 road test. Good golly I hope I pass my G2 road test! I need my damn license so bad, in case this job doesn’t work out and I need to search further. But I’ve decided I’m not going to stress out and freak out about it; I’ll practice today and I’ll do my best tomorrow. If my best isn’t what they think it should be and I fail, I’ll book it for another day and practice even harder. It makes sense that they wouldn’t give out licenses to people who don’t know what they’re doing, so why argue the matter?
I will go in being me. Same with the interview tomorrow. I won’t take out the hoop in my lip because I don’t have anything to change it to (since there are like brownies living in Dragon’s house and all of my lip rings have gone missing. Truthfully, I probably vacuumed the lot of them up). Not to mention, it’s finally healing haha so I’ll leave it. Besides, this is how I wear it normally. I will ask about their policy on facial piercings, and if they have one I will wear a retainer to work. No big.
Bah. I wish I could just speed up time and get tomorrow over with. Having to do your G2 road test and have an interview in the same day will most likely be nerve wracking, although I’m trying to approach it in an “I don’t care” attitude - but the thing is I really do care. I really want to get my license, and I’ll be disappointed in myself if I don’t. And I really want and need to get this job, and I’ll be even more disappointed in myself if I don’t get it more so than being disappointed because I didn’t get my license. Jobs aren’t exactly plentiful here lately, and if I screw it up on more time then I don’t know where else to apply.
I’ve GOTTA get my smart serve. Maybe I’ll do that online this week, and then I can start applying at restaurants.
Anyways, while I continue to wake up I’m going to catch up on my blog reading Yay Google Reader!! Without it I would be screwed.
Posted by Sarcastica @
8:35 am |
Fancy Don’t Let Me Down
I’m not in the perkiest of moods right now, so I apologize ahead of time if this post sounds like I’m complaining too much - because I probably am. Before I get any hate mail though, I realize I don’t have it bad as some people. But it’s in human nature to feel sorry for yourself, isn’t it? Whatever. Keep in mind that this is my venting place; where I do that thing called venting. Sometimes that means I complain. Ya. If you don’t like it, nobody asked you to read it. [But for the record I do love my readers and commenters and lurkers and all that so don't take that as a personal attack because it's really not directed at anybody].
And with that promising introduction, I’ll move on to my day/week/month, because the emotions of today really tie in to whats happened this week…and this month and last month really. I think I can safely say that I have a very hard time forgiving and forgetting. I mean, I can forgive someone for something they’ve done…but I have a hard time forgetting. Considering everyone else has those issues too, we’re in quite the predicament aren’t we?
Ok first things first; I’m not too healthy recently. Physically and mentally, as much as I hate to admit it. I technically should be blogging about my health woes over at my health blog, but I’m really too lazy to update that regularly lately. I’m still waiting on that surgery date, and I have new health concerns. There is a bone growth on the back of my left upper leg that has been causing me a lot of pain the past few months, more so this month. It’s gotten rapidly bigger. I didn’t even notice it to be honest, as I try to block out pains and not complain about things. Often when I mention an ache or pain, it’s only after it gets rapidly bigger and causes more pain. Unfortunately, this seems to happen quite a bit and I don’t like appearing like a complainer, so I tend to attempt to keep it to myself. Hence why I can get really bitchy for like no apparent reason, which gets everyone else around me mad at me. So anyway, yesterday I showed Dragon and Booth the tumour. Dragon is a cancer survivor, she’s in remission now, and she told me to go get an ultrasound on it because it has veins and it’s in a soft tissue area of my body. She got a bad feeling when she looked at it, and warned me that it could be cancerous if its growing that quickly and has veins.
Now I’m not saying it is, but damn isn’t that freaky? I’m 19. I don’t want to think about shit like that. But cancer can spread quickly, and I really don’t think I should ignore it. Especially when it’s causing me this much pain. Like sitting down now at the computer is uncomfortable and painful, but so is putting my legs up. I can’t seem to win lately. Anyways, I called my specialist and left a message with my concerns. I realize that its not the area they are going to operate on, but I’m thinking that maybe they should take a look at it. Maybe they could fit an extra area in, and since I don’t have my surgery date yet they can allow for more time…maybe. I also called my family doctor to get in and get a form for an ultrasound on it, just to make sure there is no cancer. It could just be a bone growth thats growing fast and causing discomfort to the muscles and veins around it. I have an appointment tomorrow morning so we’ll see how that goes.
Emotionally, I feel drained. Like I’ve been screaming to be heard and no one’s listening to me. I know, very emo-ish. Whatever though, it’s how I feel. I’m tired of trying to defend myself and Booth. I’m tried of people holding grudges and acting like Booth is a horrible person, because I know he’s not. Nobody’s really even given him a chance, and now they certainly don’t give him the time of day and it hurts me. But I’m done trying to appease everyone, and trying to make them see how stupid it is to hate Booth. Just because he hasn’t gone to college yet does not mean he’s going no where. I’m not in college, am I? Not yet anyway. I’m still going somewhere, aren’t I? Maybe they secretly feel I’m not going to go anywhere though, and that’s why there worried. I don’t know. What I do know is that Booth does have goals and plans. He’ll be in the Business program in college by February, yes, he has to take some extra courses in high school but after that he can get into any program he wants. That won’t even take a month to do, since they will be correspondence courses. I’m taking Dental Reception and Admin in September. I’ve got my tuition paid and student card picture taken, I just need to get my schedule and books and perhaps a tour of the college and I’m good to go.
So why is he still going no where? I know complete assholes who have University degrees. Booth isn’t a complete asshole. Sure, he said some hurtful things that one night but get over it already - so did everyone else. He’s sorry about that and I don’t know how many times I have to repeat that. But I’m done repeating it, and I’m done trying to defend myself, Booth, and our relationship. The bottom line is that I love him, and he’s going to be a part of my life for a very long time - so get used to him. It makes me unhappy to have everyone “disliking him” and thinking he’s “no good” for me. No good for me would be someone who physically and emotionally abuses me and treats me like shit - but Booth doesn’t and never will. He treats me so amazingly that I smile each day. He makes me feel beautiful, and I’ve never really felt beautiful. I’ve always felt like a freak. I’ve never felt confident and beautiful enough to wear shorts in public, but now I don’t care because he says I’m beautiful and I believe him.
Complete strangers see how good we are for each other, why can’t my loved ones? Ya, we’ve got a long way to go…we both need to get our educations and stable jobs. But that doesn’t happen over night.
Speaking of stable jobs, I called that gas station today. The manager who interviewed me isn’t in until tomorrow, so I don’t know if I got that job. I called West 49 too, and they already have “enough people”, but I can feel free to submit a resume in the future. That sucks so much…I really wanted that job. So today I spent half the day on job bank sending resumes to potential employers. Hopefully somebody calls me back.
Sigh. I feel a lot less bleh now that I’ve blogged about these things. Now I can unwind and catch up on my blogosphere readings, including new blogs I love discovering new bloggers…it’s always so refreshing and cool.
Edit/P.S. I’ve decided to use my Google Reader again. I have so many blogs that I read that its impossible to read all in one week with this dial up connection. Now I’ll be able to read everything! Don’t know why I stopped using my Google Reader in the first place (probably laziness) <3
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9:19 pm |
It’s been a while
Every time I go to post lately, I get distracted. Usually it’s by shiny objects, and once or twice an alien ship flew by the window and I just had to go and investigate. But I’ve been desperate to post so I’ve closed the blinds and hidden away in the family room. No aliens will find me today, and the sun can’t hit shiny objects so hopefully I will not be distracted.
I learned a few days ago who they hired to be the summer students at the recreational group. Am I surprised they screwed me over? Not really. I’m hurt through. After receiving the email that claimed due to policies and procedures they could not hire me this summer as I had not been in school for the past 4 months, I felt something was fishy. Firstly, you have to read the policies and procedures when you get hired. I never once read any such policy or procedure. The only policy and procedure they had on college/university students was that they must attend school in the fall, which I will be doing. Nothing about attending or not attending school beforehand. In fact, one employee last year had taken a year off. She was given a job because she was attending school in the fall.
One policy and procedure I did read about was how they didn’t hire people who were dating due to work drama. Guess what they did this summer? Hired two students who have been dating for about a year or 2. All of the members and volunteers alike know that they are dating. I wasn’t allowed to be in the same group as NSN during one of the day trips “because we were dating and it was ethically incorrect”, yet they are allowed to work together? How does this work?
Mom says not to let it get to me…considering I didn’t really want the job in the first place. But truthfully, I did want the job. I love the members, I love the work. Sure, I hated the board and the stupid expectations they had about everything remaining the same…but whatever. I only pretended to not want the job because I had a feeling that they would screw me over in the end, just like the old program director - and my friend - warned me that they would. He knew for some time they were planning on not hiring me…which is why he advised me to look elsewhere. But stupid me was convinced that they would give me a job, since I had some sort of seniority over the other people who may apply because I worked there last summer. I didn’t really expect them to go out of their way to find reasons why not to hire me.
Am I jealous? Yes. Extremely jealous. I have never been treated the same way that those two people they hired (who are dating) have been treated. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to be on the same bus as NSN (not that I mind now), meanwhile they were allowed to be on the same bus and they’re allowed to work together. How is this fair? Plus everybody talks about how amazing they both are, and sure…they’re cool people, but they aren’t holy grails. In fact I don’t like how she treats other females - especially me. And I don’t think that being arrogant should mean you’re smart.
I don’t know. I guess I’m just feeling betrayed now. And since Fuzz told me that they were all talking about how I think it’s a conspiracy, I’m even more mad. I don’t think its a conspiracy at all, I know that the board members thought I was lazy because of that weekend I couldn’t leave my tent due to the rain and dampness. I know that the board members thought I couldn’t “handle direction” because of the joking nature that the old program director and I had. There is no conspiracy there, just one petty person deciding to make me look bad because I was friends with someone she didn’t like.
Not to mention, I haven’t received any emails from anybody. If I was a summer students, emails would be going out on a daily basis in a friendly way to everyone, just like last year. And they wonder why they don’t have any volunteers.
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1:02 pm |
Math. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
Lately the only somewhat creative titles I can come up with are song lyrics. Oh well, it bets accidentally repeating an already used title, right?
I’ve been thinking about the future again, and my stomach is twisted in nervous knots. Don’t worry, I’m not going to back out of this program - I do really want it! But I’m nervous as hell because I have to take Accounting! Readers who have been around for like ever remember my high school days of fighting to get by in Math. Math has never been my strong suit. I probably wouldn’t be so insecure in Math if my stupid high school teachers didn’t act as if I was completely number stunned. But they did, and they kept saying to me “choose a career that doesn’t need Math”.
I won’t lie, I was a very difficult student to help in Math. I didn’t need help in any of my other subjects, so I was extremely bitchy and difficult to the teachers who tried to help me. I hate not getting something, and I really didn’t (and still don’t) get Math.
Whenever I am told to answer a Math problem, even if it’s the simplest question in the world, my mind freezes and I have mini mental freakouts. I can’t get past that to focus on the question and solution, and I’m convinced my mind has blocked out all the solutions anyway. Does that make sense to anybody? Because it doesn’t to me. I’ve never known anybody to have panic attacks when faced with a math problem. I guess I really am one of a kind (said sarcastically, of course).
So needless to say, I’m very nervous about school now since looking at the classes list. I still want to be a Dental Receptionist and Administrator, but I was really hoping to be on the honor role and top of the class (since that would REALLY prove a lot of people wrong about me). Gah. I guess I’ll just have to work my butt off and get a tutor very early on.
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9:58 am |
Protected: So…I’m 19 eh
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Protected: Volcano
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Throw the party of the month? Nah the party of the year!
Yeah…I’m quoting Aaron Carter. That just goes to show how desperate I am for a freaking title today. I’m surprised I can even still come up with those things! Soon I’ll give up and just start numbering them or something.
Anyways, only 10 more days until I’m legal! Woot! Yep, the countdown has most definitely begun. Normally, I don’t get overly excited about my birthday…but this time I’m going to be 19! I’ll be able to drink freely at restaurants and bars! No more fake id for me, haha just kidding I never actually had a fake id. I didn’t know where to get them…
So since I haven’t actually thrown a party since like the late ’90s early ’00s, I wanted to make this year my year for a wicked awesome party. It helps that I turn legal this year, therefore I’m hoping my parents wouldn’t forbid drinking. My friends and I are all at that age now where we’ve been drinking [somewhat illegally] for 4 years now and getting rip roaring drunk is no longer fun. Plus I know and trust all of my friends to not make idiots out of themselves.
I want to have a huge camp out/BBQ/pool party. Obviously the pool party would happen before everyone started drinking - I’m not dumb and I don’t have my lifeguard certificate. Plus I don’t know many people who want to actually start drinking at 2pm. Except for the lushes, who wouldn’t if nobody else is. I already know that I would not be drinking, and neither would Booth (since we want to combine our parties and friends). We both would be too paranoid to drink. We definitely know how to control a party but still make it fun - heck we did it to McShout’s party until she decided to sneak guys back in. That wouldn’t be an issue at my party because the guys would still be there. One side of the lawn would be girl’s camping central and the other side of the lawn would be guy’s camping central. We wouldn’t have to worry about people sneaking into each others tents because that sort of looses the appeal by the time you turn 17 or 18. Besides, half of us girls already see our guys on a regular basis and girl time is way cooler 
I’m hoping that my parents remember the fact that I have camped co-ed before with the recreational group. Heck I used to date a fellow volunteer and we never did anything while camping.
Anyways, I have no idea when I’m going to throw this wicked awesome party [or if I'm even allowed to have it for that matter] since I’m still waiting for a surgery date and the weekend of my birthday seems to be filled up. I’m going to be babysitting Grinch’s boys and Sunday is father’s day, you can’t really walk into that hungover (or not hungover in my case, just super tired from making sure nobody does stupid things). The following weekend I was hoping to go to Karen’s place with Booth so Karen could spread some of her HTML coding, graphic making magic.
Then on July 1st I’m planning on going on a road trip with Dragon to see Theory of a Deadman I love their music, although unfortunately I don’t own any albums 
their music is quite catchy though! July 8th is my trip to a theme park, and July 12th is totally Edgefest!
Hopefully I can do all these things before my surgery. It sort of bums me out that I made plans for a wicked awesome summer and then might not get to do half the stuff I planned because I might be a tad bit laid up. All my other summers have sort of been dab and boring…especially last summer, when I was working full time at the rec group and too exhausted to read let alone go to concerts or throw parties.
This year thus far I’m jobless. I sort of put my job hunting on hold because, as my mom pointed out, why start a job you’re just going to have to quit for a surgery? It doesn’t make much sense now does it? Not to mention, everything is basically taken up for this summer. All those good jobs, gone.
Ugh. So many issues, so little time. I still have to figure out what I’m doing with the rest of my life. I wish I could be Peter Pan and never have to grow up haha I’m sure thats a bit unreasonable, but I do wish that there wasn’t so much pressure being put on me to make a decision - and the right one at that. How do you know what the right one is?
I have a feeling there is going to be another depression anyway, and then everyone will be out of the job and education won’t matter at all. I’ve already started digging my hole, how bout you? Humans have screwed up royally and I just know we’re going to pay for it. I hope not in my lifetime though!
Jeez I have such a bleak outlook on things. Meh. Comes with being a pessimist/realitist (my invented word for someone who acknowledges that bad things can happen and most likely will).
Posted by Sarcastica @
11:17 am |
