This morning I woke up feeling a little more then smoopey. I had had a little argument the night before with my mom over my lack of time spent at home, and was feeling pretty worthless and selfish (which I shall most likely go in deeper detail about later) and I was also due in the big T.O for a doctor’s appointment - which I wasn’t very optimistic about considering doctor’s appointments in T.O last all day normally, and results are normally frustrating or depressing.
However, after I showered and readied myself for the day, I checked my phone and was shockingly surprised to see that I had received a text message from my cousin Karen. Basically, it just said “I blawgggged about you. Xo” and because I can’t contain the excitement of being blawgggged about by other writers, I rushed down to the nearest computer and was tickled pink to see that I had won an award! Me!
Karen indeed had blawgggged about me, and it was all about her presenting me with an adorable award. She made me laugh and cry…it was seriously better then CATS. Seriously…although I haven’t actually been on Broadway or even seen the play CATS but whatever, I bet it beats it!
As far as I understand, I have to award this thing to 10 people that I love THIS much, which is a difficult decision for me to make because my heart is so often bursting with love for like everyone and everything! But here it goes…in no order at all. Obviously you guys know that my blog lacks any structure and order at all
Jessica at So Supercilious- I only recently started reading her blog, but damn it I’m hooked! You can’t tear me away from it! She reminds me very much of myself, and I can completely relate to her witty commentary of every day life. Soon enough she shall be my partner in crime (although she doesn’t really know that yet - stalkerish much? sure), filming the epic adventures of Sarcastica bar hopping at 19. She definitely is one of the few teen bloggers that I read [and thoroughly enjoy]. She’s not afraid to speak - or rather, write - her mind and for that reason Jessica, I love you THIS much!
Sarah at A Child’s Romance - Also a new read, and another new blogger that completely blows my mind! Sarah has an amazing way with words, and writes beautiful poetry! She’s witty, she’s funny, she’s real. She doesn’t fall into a sub category and that is absolutely refreshing! She blogs about a wide range of things from her own poetry writings to job frustrations (which are always hilarious to read) and friend issues. It’s great seeing that more and more people are being more open with their blogs, and Sarah is one of them. I love you THIS much Sarah, for being real and raw!
Girl, Dislocated at Girl, Dislocated- I started reading Girl, Dislocated like a year ago, and ever since the first entry I read, I’ve been hooked. GD is a woman suffering from a rare medical condition, but her outlook on life in general is just so not what you would expect it to be. No matter how bad it gets, GD has an outlook that picks even me up just by reading. She has hilarious stories of bones popping out at the most inconvenient times and by her writing, you can tell that she accepts who she is 100%, despite how hard popping your joints back in to place in the grocery store line up is. She sympathizes with me for my health woes (although I never have hilarious stories to share darn eh?) and makes me feel, just from reading her posts, that life is not just about a medical disorder. For that reason Girl, Dislocated, I love you THIS much!
Jess at Bumblebee Dreams- Jess was a long time lurker of mine (I think that’s what she said) and first started to comment during one of my [not so] private posts. In turn, I checked out her blog and instantly fell in love with it. Now you can’t get me a way from it! I absolutely love her writing style, and she occasionally shares very inspirational stories from her childhood that I personally can relate to in my current situation. She sees things in the same kind of light that I do, and I adore that! For being a wicked awesome person Jess, I love you THIS much!
Bennie at A Work of Art: Raising Our Exceptional Son - If you have not yet seen or read this blog, do so now. Trust me. It will open your eyes in so many ways! Bennie is an exceptional writer who is able to give you a birds eye view of what raising a child with special needs is like. The way he writes brings you right in to the life of his son, Ben, who is remarkable in every way. He’s taught me a lot about so many things, and for that Bennie, I love you THIS much. [Note to Bennie; you probably know me as Jessi/Jess from A Medical Mystery...I'm not some creepy stalker, don't worry!].
Angelique at It’s Raining Noodles - One of the Best Teen Weblog finalists in the 2008 Bloggies; and definitely one of the best teen writers out there! She definitely seems like someone I could relate to easily and get along with spectacularly as she views life the same way I do! She never fails to entertain me with her random posts, and always makes me think with her posts on life situations. For this reason Angelique, I love you THIS much!
Avitable at Avitable: Tact Is For Pussies - Definitely one of the MOST ballsy bloggers I know! Most would agree, as they are literally pictures all over the net! His sense of humour is a bit sick and twisted, but admit it…you laugh just as much as I do! Avitable has been a blogging friend of mine for years now, and although sometimes his comments have absolutely nothing to do with the posts they are supposedly in response to, that’s another reason to like him. Because he’s random…like myself (although I’m random in a less freaky/sexual way). For actually building me a pink unicorn bedroom Avitable, I love you THIS much!
Miss Britt at Miss Britt- I LOVE her writing! She’s suave and chic, but at the same time she’s honest and raw. Some of her posts make me want to cry and some of them make me double over in pain from laughing so much (thus drawing weird looks from people around me). She’s also a hilarious drunk, and for that reason Miss Britt, I love you THIS much!
NYC Watchdog at A Pile Of Dog Bones - NYC Watchdog is a really spectacular person, and I’m totally not stretching the truth. He has one of the biggest hearts out of everybody I’ve met (well figuratively anyway, through his writings) in the blogging world. He’s been through a hell of a lot that nobody should have to go through, yet still he stands and offers that same compassionate understanding that Dog is so known to have. For those reasons and a million more Dog, I love you THIS much!
Rik at Person Without a Clue - Rik has been a blog friend of mine since I started waaay back in 2005. He’s been the fatherly type, offering advice and sympathy when I mess up big and generally just being there for me. He is a thoughtful, compassionate person and it definitely shows in his writings on his own blog and in his comment responses to the whacked out stuff I have to say! Because you’re so smart Rik, I love you THIS much!
….and even though you’re technically not supposed to re-send the award back to the person who sent it to you, I just couldn’t resist…
Karen at Karen Sugarpants - She is basically the reason why I started blogging. It was her idea and suggestion that I start my first blog, the late Miss Misery Smiles, as a place to vent and pour my heart and soul into - which I have done, clearly…at the expense of some friendships and groundings. Ever since I started, I have always aspired to be as awesome as she is. I have always looked up at her and considered her to be one of my big sisters; and I feel that I am closer to her then I am my other sisters, because she’s really a cousin and that makes it easier. Sisters are supposed to piss each other off, but Karen rarely pisses me off because she’s able to look at a situation I’m in and give me an unbiased suggestion or opinion without freaking out on me for messing up. I’ve called her crying many a nights…and she’s always taken the calls and comforted me with ease. I suppose you could say I make her feel young and she makes me feel older, we are like almost the same person only at different ages. It’s wicked. For all those reasons and more Karen, I love you THIS much!
There are many more people on my list of loving THIS much but I have already been blogging now since like 10 (so an hour and half ago I started this post). Feel free to do this meme thing if you want! It is really nice to sit back and appreciate some of the fellow bloggers out there.
~*~*~
Now would be the later part of this post; where I discuss my day[s] and vent about all that sucked (so like everything? No not really…I’m not totally emo). Warning: It’s basically a negativity outpour.
Yesterday I had a really crummy afternoon. I just felt so unreasonably insecure and smoopey, even before I had the argument with my mom. Well, I guess my smoopey mood as of late is not totally unreasonable, or so Dragon, Booth and I concluded. There have been a lot of things making me feel crumby. Here is the list, sort of summed up a bit:
I feel like my relationship with my older sister is suffering due to the amount of time I spend with Booth. I can’t understand why, as I’ve been extremely careful to not intrude on newly wed time and barge in to her house everyday visiting. I find it harder to talk to her every time because she always seems so pissed off at me, and I’m sure you all have a hard time talking to someone who seems pissed off at you.
I have been searching diligently for a part or full time job this summer, and have not yet wielded any good decent results (save for the 4 day job I have starting tomorrow - and that’s being a shakeboard dancer). Pressure is being put on me at all angles for this as my funds are being stretched hard core and school is just around the corner.
Because I have not gone to school or worked in like 5 months, I feel like a worthless piece of noncontributing poop. I also know several important family members views on my dropping out of college…and their fears for me doing it again. I didn’t want to be known as “The College Dropout”, but I guess that dropping out of college would earn you that nickname.
I’m sore. All the time. I barely want to move now and I hate feeling like that. Because of this feeling, I booked the appointment with my doctors, hoping that they would be able to do something about the pain. But I found out today that unfortunately they can’t do much for all my concerns. My hips pop and my ankles lock because of all the bone growths/tumours surrounding them and the looseness that is my joints and ligaments. They can’t realign my ankles because the treatment might be more worse then the now…and healing could be a long process. I might not even heal. I will be having a surgery though to shave down one of the bone growths on my ankle that I believe is the reason behind my locked up leg.
So the possibility of a surgery brings me even more concern for the summer; as I need money and a summer job, but I also need this surgery and having a surgery will definitely put me out for a while.
Now the argument I spoke of earlier on in this post happened basically because my relationships with my parents seem strained these days. There are several reasons why they are strained; because they don’t seem to understand me and because of the fact that I’m not spending a lot of time at home. Yes, I know…the simple solution would be to spend more time at home and try to explain myself, but this is easier said then done. I’m a hard person to understand, and I sort of suck at confrontations (which is why I’m blogging about it instead of talking about it).
So why am I never home? Well that’s a good question. I would like to be home, but at the same time I just can’t be…for several reasons. A small part is that I’m concerned about my health as that mold is still in the downstairs bathrooms…and it’s worse and spreading. And I know that writing this will just piss my parents off, but its been years now. House mold is unbelievably bad for the health; mold spores stick to the lungs and cause respiratory problems on top of a million other problems. At night, I have a hard time falling asleep because I can’t breathe at night and my stomach issues are getting ridiculous. Another reason why I’m not really home is because whenever I am at home, everyone’s off doing their own thing…barely interacting with each other and they seem mad whenever I try to make conversation. I get lonely. Not to mention, I’m 18 going on 19 living in the middle of nowhere; basically when I’m home I’m stranded. Not having a license and living in the boondocks makes job searches HARD.
So ya, lately I’ve been smoopey. I’ve been taking a lot of things to heart and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t really help that. When you’re already in a bad mood and people start making bad jokes about things, you take it harder then you would if you were in a good mood.
What would fix this? Well…it’s hard to say really. Moving out would fix it for now, because I really don’t want to be here anymore if the mold is still going to be here. I take a shower and all I can smell is MOLD; because the towels touch it along the walls. I can’t sleep at night because it’s all I can smell. So I’m tired and cranky and smoopey. But moving out would seriously piss my parents off. They would think that I want to move in with Dragon and Booth to do the naughty whenever I like, which is completely not true. Like I’ve mentioned before a thousand times, if people want to do the naughty then they’ll do it regardless of their living status. They also fear that if I move out, I’ll be partying nonstop — which is completely not true. I have never really been a partier, I’m more of a homebody. On occasion I do party, but I don’t over do it (at least not in the past 4 months). But I really don’t want to piss my parents off or hurt them any more then they’ve already been hurt…but I’m not happy here and it gets harder and harder to pretend each day.
So I’m between a rock and a hard place. I haven’t even spoken to my parents yet about this because I’m afraid of their reactions. I sort of hope that they read my blog this time…because I don’t know how to explain myself.
[Anyway folks, if you read this; know that I don't want to move out...it might just be more convenient for me...at the moment anyway. Don't hate me...I love you both. Xoxoxo. It's just an idea.]
Blah. Well ya. That’s all for now I guess since this post is WAYYY to long.
Wow. I feel completely uncreative and blah today. I don’t have anything important to say at all! It’s shocking really, usually I can’t shut up about random subjects. I’m sure that will come in time with this post, because I fully intend on filling it with meaningless chatter and rambling - those are the kind of posts that I love writing because I really can’t say which direction it’s going to go in!
I’m still feeling tired, I had trouble falling asleep last night. I think I need to change my playlist of songs that I fall asleep to around or something, since I haven’t been falling asleep lately! But in order to do that, I need my iPod connector…which I can’t find because I have no idea where I put it when I was cleaning up for the Bridal Shower. Sigh. This is why my room is messy - because I know where everything is.
Speaking of lists (or soon to be anyway, since I haven’t actually previously spoken of lists until this moment) I’ve finally started updating my old Amazon wish list like Avitable said to do in time for my birthday (which is June 15th). You don’t have to get me anything at all, I’m just doing it because it’s Wednesday and I’m bored and the gorilla man told me to. So ya, that’s well on it’s way to being done.
Anywho, I’m thinking about this summer and I’m excited! I still don’t know if I’m going to accept the rec group job…because like I said, that would require a lot more patience this year and I almost hated it last year. I’ve got my hopes on going to Edge Fest this year, and I want to go to the MHE Gathering in the states, since I’ve never been and would like to meet some of the people I have been talking to for 5 years of my life. I also want to go to Wonderland at some point. But ya, I guess the most important thing is getting a job…and a license.
I drove around Dragon’s block yesterday when my mom came to pick me up! It was awesome, and I think I did pretty damn good if I do say so myself!
I’m trying to wake Booth up. He’s still asleep and was supposed to be at the shop at 10am, but he isn’t answering his phone (so he’s ignoring it or its not near him right now) and Dragon is pretty annoyed. That boy seriously needs an alarm clock; and not me because I just get pissed when he doesn’t answer the phone. I really need my license so I can drive down to his house and dump water on his face!
And speaking of Booth…you know the girl in my header? He’s planning on getting a tattoo of her sitting on army crates. I’ve seen the design and it’s awesome he said he’s getting it for a girl he never wants to forget, me isn’t that sweet?
P.S. While I was hanging out with the girls last week, I stumbled across some awesome eye shadow! Click on theseherewords to see pictures of me all dolled up. I completely forget how to upload photos on the new Wordpress…which is a bit inconvenient for everyone I know. It’s so much easier to just see the pictures as you read the post…I apologize!
It’s been six months since my life changed, ultimately for the better. Six months ago, I would have told you that my only wish was for NSN to smarten up and come crawling back to me. That was half a year ago though, and I’ve definitely changed my thoughts and feelings on that one. It makes me almost sick to think about all I invested and all the work I put into a relationship with a child, because that’s what he was and still is. A boy. A boy who used powerful words to get what he wanted. It makes me feel ill to think about the wasted nights where I actually missed him and his fake words.
I’m lucky that it didn’t take me long to realize he wasn’t worth the time of day. Just thinking about the year and a bit we spent together, I realize now just how unhappy I was. I was trying to make something work when I knew it couldn’t possibly work because we both didn’t want it anymore. Me more so, because he just didn’t understand me. He didn’t attempt to understand, he didn’t care enough to ask. Everything was just a show for him, so that he could prance around and tell his friends that he had dated someone for a year and it had been serious. I don’t consider our time together “serious” at all. He acted like a donkey’s ass for most of it, always putting the blame of an argument on me. It was always my fault after all, because little boys don’t take the blame for anything…even if it is their fault. Arguments are fault of two people, not one. Back then I knew that, but I still fought to keep us afloat. Maybe I was scared of being single, or that I wouldn’t be wanted by anybody else.
I won’t lie and say that the breakup wasn’t painful for me, because we all knew it was. Maybe it was just the timing…being far away from my family and friends, not flourishing at work or school because my peers and co-workers were catty bitches forever stuck in the high school phase. Shortly after our breakup, I lost a friend and classmate that I had spent six years growing up with. I got involved with someone I shouldn’t have gotten involved with, all because I didn’t want to be alone.
But despite all, I’m thankful for all my bad failed relationships and quite stupid mistakes. Without them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
I’m lucky, because Booth treats me exactly how I want to be treated. He respects my opinions, thoughts, and feelings on things and he listens to what I have to say. Those rare occasions that we do get into arguments (hey, we are Gemini’s after all) we both talk it and sort through it. So far, every time we’ve had an argument it’s been over something completely foolish. A miscommunication or misunderstanding.
Booth took the time to get to know me, and I took the time to get to know him. Because of the guys I’ve previously dated, I can feel thankful and grateful for what I have with him. I don’t take advantage of how good he is to me.
So I am grateful for messy breakups, because the relationships with those people taught me valuable lessons which I won’t soon forget. They taught me what I want and don’t want in a relationship, particularly my relationship with NSN. I used to bend to him to avoid fights, but now I’m 100% me even if that means it starts a fight because of my idea or view on something (although with Booth, that wouldn’t be the case because he respects that everyone has their own opinions and its no cause for a fight).
Thanks to NSN, I learned to leave. If I’m not happy with someone, there is no point in trying everything to make it work. Sometimes, leaving IS the right answer. Luckily I am very happy with Booth! And I can’t see myself being unhappy any time soon.
I hung out at the shop where Booth works all yesterday, and had some interesting conversations with him and his boss. They really did get me thinking, not that it will change anything for me: my mind is already made up on what I am going to do this year.
We were talking about how it’s foolish to be expected to pick a career and stick with it at the age of 18. Most kids don’t know who they are, or who they even want to be. Yet they are expected to pick a career, go to college or university and earn a degree. Book smarts and actual smarts are two different things, and the majority of people who go to college and university only learn what they are told to learn. Placements barely count as experience, they never actually make you do half the difficult stuff you would have to do if you were actually doing the job.
Even though I know I want to work doing something to help other people, I’m not entirely sure what it is I want to do to help them. Helping people is such a huge category! I know that in September I will take the Child and Youth course, because I have already committed myself to doing just that. I’m the kind of person who can commit to something and actually follow through if I keep my eyes on the prize, which I fully intend on doing this time around. I’m ready this time, or as ready as I’ll ever be to step into the deep unknown. I am ready to start shaping my future, to start picking the roads and paths that I’m going to take to get there.
Booth’s boss thinks that kids should have 5 years before going to college after high school where they work and get a variety of different experiences before they make that decision of what to do for the rest of your life. I agree, it would be nice to have 5 years to make up my mind on what I really want to do. It would be nice to work and get all the experience doing everything so that I know without a doubt in my mind that what I decide on in the end is really what I want to do.
But I don’t have 5 years, so I’m going to deal with it and go through with it anyway. I decided on the Child and Youth worker course because as far as jobs go, there is a lot of variety. I could work in a school, a hospital, a group home, or a clinic. I could even probably travel to different countries and help out the troubled youth there…who knows. If it is a dream that you really want, you can make it happen. Also, I’ve been volunteering at the recreational group for several years now and I still love doing it.
Sure, I’m still shivering about all the unknown aspects of my future: such as will I actually like this career, or will I regret it? But I don’t have 5 years, and I really am anxious to get started with my future…and to go backpacking in Europe after I graduate.
What an amazing weekend! I can’t believe how much fun I had at the ski resort! So many jokes and memories made! Admittedly, I was pretty sloshed for most of the weekend, but that’s alright. I am quite the riot!
For some reason unbeknown to me; I tend to swear a lot and get quite bitchy when I drink wine…so I am thinking next time I’ll have to leave the wine at home. My sarcastic quirky comments upset one of the other volunteers there, with whom I normally have a good friendship with. We constantly poke fun at each other and try to piss each other off - apparently I was finally successful. I suppose it wasn’t a good thing that I can’t remember exactly what I said to him…but I am really surprised he took me seriously. Online I tried to explain that I do tend to get feisty when the wine comes out - don’t know why, but it happens. I don’t know if I am forgiven. But honestly, I did warn everyone before I drank any wine that I will get sarcastic and to not take me seriously. I also said I am very easily annoyed when drunk. All this guy did was annoy me, intentionally. We had to share a room (don’t worry ma, he’s not into girls) and he was on the top bunk but he is also like 100 pounds heavier then me and I was nervous that I was going to get squished and he knew that so he was intentionally jumping on the already wobbly top bunk, so I freaked out. He is the most infuriating person I know because he is just a self serving asshole…after he skied this morning he had to come back and have another shower and took forever - holding us up when we wanted to leave. And those are only a few of the reasons why he annoyed me.
Anyways, aside from my little dispute with the one guy that didn’t actually happen until I came home and went online and he blew up at me, it was a good weekend. I am starting to really like John and I am beginning to see why everyone thinks that he’s amazing. His egotistic attitude will continue to annoy me though, but I think this year when I am a Summer Student I will have a lot more fun because I have finally learned how to like him. I’m also beginning to like his girlfriend, Sabs. We had quite the blast with Banana Rum and these lovely disguise glasses from the dollar store.
I was appointed the President of the “Itty Bitty Titty Committee” (also known as the IBTC) along with another girl by the entire crowd of people we were with - which is hilarious and we fully plan on making a Facebook group. And I also found my frog prince, but I lost him again I am actually quite dishearten by the fact that he is missing…the last time I saw my frog prince was this morning at breakfast. We had enjoyed a lovely night of drinking games and he directed me in how to play the popular card game Asshole. He spent the night on my pillow, and followed me upstairs and then went missing after breakfast. If anybody sees my frog prince, let me know!
(P.S. frog prince isn’t a real frog…just throwing that out there)
The 2 hour long car ride back to the rec group building was pretty annoying though (probably because the rum was long gone). Sabs brought up the whole me kissing Fuzz and the picture ending up on Facebook thing last night…and for the rest of the weekend that was all I heard about. Bossman is convinced I will marry Fuzz or something stupid like that, and when we were playing 20 Questions (a game that you think of an object and everyone asks 20 questions and then tries to guess what it is) they kept asking things like “is it a body part of Fuzz’s” etc. Quite annoying because I really don’t have those feelings for Fuzz…that kiss happened when I was sloshed and even then it was awkward. I see Fuzz as a good friend and I really just want to forget about the whole kissing thing…since it’s embarrassing. I uninvited him to the wedding and I am going solo because I really don’t want him getting the wrong impression, and weddings do make people “feel” things and I really don’t need that right now.
Anywho, jumping back to this morning… before we left all 8 of us got to talking about the rec group and all the changes we would like to see happen. Then John and I decided to make a volunteer based and driven fundraising committee that does not one but several fundraising events throughout the year. I will be secretary and he will most likely be the president since he’s good at handing out jobs. Our first unofficial meeting is 5pm Thursday before the 50s’ Dance - a dance that I am totally looking forward to cause Bossman’s girlfriend Fck (a nickname she earned after managing to successfully include the “f” word in everything she said this weekend - heh) is loaning me her poodle skirt! I’m going to look like I stepped out of the movie Grease! It’ll be awesome! We already have a lot of ideas for the fundraising committee. Hopefully we can find enough interested volunteers who want to help and actually show up. We’ve been having a lot of people saying that they are going to do stuff and then not showing up - like originally there were 28 volunteers going to the volunteer appreciation weekend and only 8 of us actually came.
On another note, JD is 19 this Thursday! All the gang is getting together for dinner and then she’s going clubbing. She’s also coming back into the blogging world and has started a new blog…although I’m not supposed to say anything for a while because she doesn’t think she has anything good to say but whatever. A blog isn’t meant to impress I must confess! Ya. Apparently not only am I considered to be one of the best teen bloggers (by the way, have you voted for me yet?), but I am also a poet. I guess you can have beauty, brains and personality…some people have all the luck!
Um…wow. Holy change of topics Batman. Apparently I have ADHD today…whatever. That was my weekend. Now it’s time to go catch up on all of your weekends!
P.S. Hello new readers, I heart you welcome to my random world of sarcastic craziness! I really do love new readers - and the old ones too of course!
EDIT: CRAP! I just realized that I completely overbooked myself this Thursday! WTF am I gonna do? I can’t cancel the first fundraising committee meeting, and I also can’t not show up because I’m the damn secretary and it’s my job to record minutes - but it’s JD’s birthday! And she’s 19! And both things are at exactly the same time!
Why is it that I have absolutely every day but Thursday free? How come everything must fall on the Thursday? UGH my life!
I find it ironic and completely mind blowing how quickly a persons life can change. It’s a lot like sailing I suppose; one minute you are going one direction completely content and the next minute the wind changes and you’re going in a completely different direction. At first, you hate it because it’s not what you were used to or what you were expecting. Suddenly, you realize the view is a lot more breathtaking and the change is all for the better.
I am fully aware just how cheesy and crazy that sounds; but I assure you I’m not drunk, not now anyway. I’m just reflecting on these last few days with a sort of awe about them.
There is so much to say, but not a lot of ways to say it without pissing a lot of people off.
I’m sort of seeing someone now…sort of. It’s a guy I knew from high school, he’s really hot…and we’ve been talking a lot lately, over texts and phone conversations and MSN. He’s a great guy, but I just know what my family’s reaction to him would be; especially B1 since she knew him in high school. He is a different person from when he was in high school. I know that my family isn’t as optimistic about people changing for the good. I love my family, but they definitely don’t seem to believe that people change, or at least they doubt it. Obviously, I believe that people have the power in them to change. And I’m not going to judge someone on their past mistakes; that would be completely hypocritical of me!
It’s barely been a month, I know this. But I can honestly say that I’m not needing anymore time to heal. I’ve healed as good as I will ever heal. I’m comfortable with where I am in life. I’m not going to be rushing into a serious relationship with this guy, for now its just fun. We’re just seeing each other.
I can say that I really didn’t believe McPout and Karen when they told me that I was lucky to be single; that I will get to experience that “new relationship” feeling that they won’t get to experience again (since McPout is engaged and Karen is married), but I guess they were right. I know now that I will get to experience that again; maybe not with this guy I’m seeing, but I know that I’m not going to push myself into isolation just because the whole NSN thing didn’t work out.
I’m happy being single, but I’m happy with the knowledge that I can be in a relationship and happy because I know myself a lot better now. I also know that I don’t need a guy or a relationship to be happy.
I have decided I’m not going to quit. I talked it out with the house manager, and now have a clearer idea of what is expected of me. It certainly isn’t picking people up. Unfortunately I guess the guy who was showing me the ropes on my first day does it because it is the easy way out. I think I shall disregard a lot of what he said, as it didn’t sound right to my own ears and eyes.
My second shift was a lot better. I am 90% more comfortable there, and can stand up for myself on my own without having anybody rush to my assistance.
After work last night, Nifty was waiting in the drive way - fast asleep in his car. Heh. We picked up some things from the grocery store and the drug store, and then he made me a yummy chicken caesar salad! And set off the fire alarms, of course. It wouldn’t Nifty cooking without the fire alarms going off! And no, he didn’t burn anything.
Tomorrow is my day off!!! I’m excited. I think I might finally get to see a doctor at some point, some where. I think I probably should get an x-ray of my back. I was supposed to go to a reserve with a couple classmates to start that assignment that is due on the 31st - gasp! Just a week away! - but I’m really thinking I need that x-ray. They said they would share all the information they get with me, and I’ll use my spectacular writing skills to make it seem as if I was really there! I’m sad that I am going to miss out on going to a reserve and getting the information first hand, but the back? Little more important no? Considering I have left it so long and tomorrow is my only day off to actually go and get results?
And tomorrow is also the Halloween Dance at the rec group. My costume is going to kick ass! I bought this hair wax stuff and I’m gonna make my hair all crazy and shit. I also bought black lipstick, eyeshadow, nail polish, and liquid eyeliner to help with my “fallen fairy” look. Pictures will be posted!
Annnd I think I might have dislocated my hip somehow. Or pulled a muscle real bad. It’s aching something fierce today. Oh lordy, what are we going to do with me? I thought I mentioned a million times I wanted a health issue free year? I think I was denied that again. This year. Oh well, at least I have Lindor milk chocolates! YUM! How can life suck when you’re eating amazing chocolate for breakfast?! It can’t!
Oh ya, and can’t forget this! For your viewing pleasure only:
He’s totally the new Weird Al.
P.S. I ordered that coat. It came to damn well near 207 bucks, but that’s my Christmas present from Nifty
So I have decided that I officially hate Future Shop. One would think that because they work on commission they would be eager to help me, but that wasn’t the case. I went there to buy a new web cam - since the one that my wonderfully amazing cousin Karen bought me for my birthday didn’t work very well (it didn’t have software Karen! I sorry!) so I had to make a trip considering you could barely even see me if I was on webcam.
This time, I decided to go for one of those microphone/webcam combinations. I stood in the webcam section of Future Shop for quite some time looking very confused and helpless, and none of the 3 25 sales people standing near by having a conversation amongst themselves stopped to help me. I had to go up to them with a $29.99 Logitech one and a $90 Logitech one and “rudely interrupt.” All I asked was which one would be worth buying, and the guy responded in a completely rude and unprofessional manor. “Obviously the more expensive one, it’s the better camera” and then he walked away. For starters, I knew that obviously the more expensive camera was the better one because it came with more features, what I wanted to know was if I actually needed the features the expensive camera came with. But asshole just walked away, and didn’t help me at all. I ended up buying the more expensive one and now I can’t even get the sound to work on my microphoneAvitable had to help me get the sound to work.
Anyways, that aside, I had a pretty interesting day. Today was my first class of Community Development with Aboriginal Emphasis. I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting class. In semester 3, I get to take Aboriginal History and Culture, which should also be really interesting.
This weekend I have officially made my plans and I will be spending it here, at the college town with my new friends. Friday there is a small get together where I’ll get sloshed hang out with a bunch of people from my program, and on Saturday I’m going to a pow wow!
Oh ya, and I feel like smacking my good old friend Mandy - she gets to meet J.K. Rowling! I’m so jealous I turned green. She won the chance by entering a contest; the same contest she told me to enter and I said “No, I won’t win anyway so what’s the point?” Don’t you hate it when stuff like that happens? Oh well, have fun Mandy! Tell her to come to Canada for me!
Holy crap. It’s 1 in the morning. I still have my readings to do, and I’ve got to finish and print out my resume, cover letter, and certificates - I’m applying for a job at a local group home. One of my classmates told me about it. Apparently you get paid to sleep if you do the night shift. Cross your fingers for me and wish me luck!
Seriously, I think I’m in love. Wireless is awesome! Pages load in half a second!! Pictures actually show up!! This is amazing! I feel like dancing in a field of wild flowers with bunnies! Well, not quite, but it’s still pretty exciting. What a step up! I went from dialup to wireless I don’t think I’ll ever go home!!!
Anyways, here are the lovely pictures of my lovely apartment! I took them the night I moved in so you won’t get to see the new Johnny Depp poster I just bought but thats alright.
So here is the closet! It’s pretty big; bigger then my own at home. I keep expecting Avi to jump out of it
And the lovely desk where I shall spend most of my time slaving away at the college papers sure to come my way!
My bed! Where I shall sleep through boring classes during the evenings!
The kitchen and lovely counter area! There is lots of space in this kitchen for all of my junk food!
As you can see, the living room is pretty damn big. Lot of space to move about. No, those toys aren’t mine - they belong to Mrs. Landlordy and the day care children.
Ahh…it’s the big comfy couch! Well, perhaps not big big but big enough for my little bottom to sit comfortably in and watch reruns of Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy.
Ahha! The throne in which I shall do most of my creative thinking and reflecting! (Aka the bathroom).
And that, my friends, is the apartment. Pretty snazzy eh? Oh man wireless is great. It only took me 10 minutes to get all those pictures up!
I suppose I should go read some chapters of my text book like I was instructed to do. Really though, I just need to catch up on reading my favourite blogs.
My week at camp was…interesting…to say the least. At points it was so stressful that all I wanted to do was crawl up into a ball and cry. It didn’t help that for the first three days my boyfriend, my best friend, and my boyfriend’s friends did not listen to a word I said. It was as if I spoke another language, and they just didn’t understand my instructions. I was pissed that I had to give these guys instructions in the first place, but whatever.
Nifty improved greatly on the fourth day when he realized he was being a shitty volunteer, and from that point on camp wasn’t about chilling with his friends who were volunteering but it was about hanging out with the members and doing anything to make them happy, including dressing up like a chick.
Of course we all had are moments, and usually the term “what happens at camp, stays at camp” is said for these moments. However, I’m totally breaking the rule because the stories are too good to keep to myself. Like when 3 older volunteers dressed up in six year old fitting fire fighter, cop and army man vests and ran around saying “Heeeeeeeeey!”. I suppose that’s one you’d laugh for if you saw.
On skit night, I was Tampon Girl, preventing leaks from happening. It was wicked, especially considering it was my idea combined with a member’s idea (she thought it would be funny to tape tampons to ourselves…it was).
My Elektra outfit was pretty funny too, as was my Sailor Mars outfit. Granted, they both looked awesome just because of the hooker boots - which killed my feet.
So in conclusion to the camp bit, there were moments when I hated it but they were less frequant opposed to the moments when I lovedit! Our cabin even had electricity, which was awesome. I was exhausted and in pain the entire week, but the members had an awesome time, so whatever. The over all job experience was rewarding, and I will be applying next year. Next year I’ll try not to let office troubles get to me though.
Office troubles…hmm, that reminds me. Friday night I partied with Bossman, his girlfriend, Nifty and two of our friends at Bossman’s girlfriends house. It was the funniest thing ever. I dunno if Bossman found Nifty barfing every where as funny as I did though, but it serves him right; he did 10 shots in a row because he didn’t feel anything and thought he needed more. Bahah!
The day after, (which was yesterday) I got to enjoy company with my lovely family for the 2nd anual Summer B-day Bash, this year it was at my Granny and Papa’s house and it was a huge pot luck. I must have had like three plates! There were so many funny moments though, like when McPout tried to get Nifty to rub her really hairy legs and when McPout and Karen both sang their “song” on film… Then Nifty and I went to his trailer for the night. We had to leave early this morning though, so again I don’t really know why we went. It was still nice to go though.
We had to leave so early so I could move my stuff into the apartment today. Everything is there but me, my dishes (since I forgot to pack them) and food (since mom didn’t want to shop and return). My parents wanted me to stay home tonight, although it’s difficult to tell why as we’re all doing our own things. I was hoping to spend the evening with Nifty here, but he is hanging out with his friends having a beer fest. Whatever. He can pay for his ass to drive up to see me on the 4th then.
I can’t believe our one year is Tuesday. This Tuesday! To bad I have no money to do anything special. Nifty is going to come down to the apartment and chill with me though. There are a lot of crazy things happening this week. On Monday night I offically move into the apartment; Tuesday, I’ll be going to an orientation at my college to get to know my student advisor. Wednesday I start classes. Those are three pretty damn big things, plus celebrating my one year with Nifty.
Oh. My. God. I have seriously been at this computer for an hour trying to update my blog, but my mom’s computer sucks. It keeps backquoting my text even though I seriously do not hit any buttons telling it to do so. It just hates me. I miss my laptop, which is currently at the apartment. I still haven’t figured out how to get it on wireless, it’s so complicated. If someone could like email instructions that would be great. I can’t actually look at it right now to tell exactly what’s going on with it, but it’s damn frustrating yo. Landlordy said they would try to fix it up for me by tomorrow.
In the mean time, I’m going to read some blogs, start the book my really awesome cousin sent me, and go to bed while Nifty gets pissed drunk with all his guy friends and plays manhunt the night before I move. Good night y’all and if you have me on facebook, keep an eye out for more camp pictures!
darn eh?) and makes me feel, just from reading her posts, that life is not just about a medical disorder. For that reason Girl, Dislocated, I love you THIS much!
he said he’s getting it for a girl he never wants to forget, me 
Why is it that I have absolutely every day but Thursday free? How come everything must fall on the Thursday? UGH my life!
