Teachings
April 4, 2008
It’s been six months since my life changed, ultimately for the better. Six months ago, I would have told you that my only wish was for NSN to smarten up and come crawling back to me. That was half a year ago though, and I’ve definitely changed my thoughts and feelings on that one. It makes me almost sick to think about all I invested and all the work I put into a relationship with a child, because that’s what he was and still is. A boy. A boy who used powerful words to get what he wanted. It makes me feel ill to think about the wasted nights where I actually missed him and his fake words.
I’m lucky that it didn’t take me long to realize he wasn’t worth the time of day. Just thinking about the year and a bit we spent together, I realize now just how unhappy I was. I was trying to make something work when I knew it couldn’t possibly work because we both didn’t want it anymore. Me more so, because he just didn’t understand me. He didn’t attempt to understand, he didn’t care enough to ask. Everything was just a show for him, so that he could prance around and tell his friends that he had dated someone for a year and it had been serious. I don’t consider our time together “serious” at all. He acted like a donkey’s ass for most of it, always putting the blame of an argument on me. It was always my fault after all, because little boys don’t take the blame for anything…even if it is their fault. Arguments are fault of two people, not one. Back then I knew that, but I still fought to keep us afloat. Maybe I was scared of being single, or that I wouldn’t be wanted by anybody else.
I won’t lie and say that the breakup wasn’t painful for me, because we all knew it was. Maybe it was just the timing…being far away from my family and friends, not flourishing at work or school because my peers and co-workers were catty bitches forever stuck in the high school phase. Shortly after our breakup, I lost a friend and classmate that I had spent six years growing up with. I got involved with someone I shouldn’t have gotten involved with, all because I didn’t want to be alone.
But despite all, I’m thankful for all my bad failed relationships and quite stupid mistakes. Without them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
I’m lucky, because Booth treats me exactly how I want to be treated. He respects my opinions, thoughts, and feelings on things and he listens to what I have to say. Those rare occasions that we do get into arguments (hey, we are Gemini’s after all) we both talk it and sort through it. So far, every time we’ve had an argument it’s been over something completely foolish. A miscommunication or misunderstanding.
Booth took the time to get to know me, and I took the time to get to know him. Because of the guys I’ve previously dated, I can feel thankful and grateful for what I have with him. I don’t take advantage of how good he is to me.
So I am grateful for messy breakups, because the relationships with those people taught me valuable lessons which I won’t soon forget. They taught me what I want and don’t want in a relationship, particularly my relationship with NSN. I used to bend to him to avoid fights, but now I’m 100% me even if that means it starts a fight because of my idea or view on something (although with Booth, that wouldn’t be the case because he respects that everyone has their own opinions and its no cause for a fight).
Thanks to NSN, I learned to leave. If I’m not happy with someone, there is no point in trying everything to make it work. Sometimes, leaving IS the right answer. Luckily I am very happy with Booth! And I can’t see myself being unhappy any time soon.
What did your past relationships teach you?
April 4th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
< ![CDATA[My past relationships taught me not to dump bodies in the local reservoir because of frequent droughts. Other than that, I've learned nothing and intend to keep it that way. :p
Learning to leave is a valuable lesson. I know some married people who need to divorce, but they choose a lifetime of misery instead.
Grant’s last blog post..More on Healthy Japanese Eating]]>
April 4th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
< ![CDATA[To have more self respect.]]>
April 4th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
< ![CDATA[That if they say "don't stick it in my butt", don't stick it in their butt.
Avitable’s last blog post..Merciful Minerva]]>
April 4th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
< 
Avitable; How to unicorns say no?]]>
April 4th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
< ![CDATA[They just say "Nay".
Avitable’s last blog post..Merciful Minerva]]>
April 4th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
< ![CDATA["They taught me what I want and don’t want in a relationship". As far as relationships go, I have a great example (my parents)and a horrible example (my sister and the father of her kids..she's married to someone better). In my early 20's I was going clubbing every weekend and thinking I was going to find my one true love at a nite club.
Yeah, right. That was just Booty Call/Hook-Up central. The older I got, the more fed up I became with the whole dating thing and quickly adopted a "fuck it" attitude. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn't, fuck it. By the time I met my hubby, I was resigned to the fact that I would end up alone and I was okay with that. Seriously. Even though we're married now, sometimes I wish I WAS still single. LOL.
After dating for 6 yrs and being married for almost 2, I still feel a little independent streak run thru me and I just wanna yell "I fuckin' hate washing and putting away your clothes."
Basically, taught me to wait.]]>
April 4th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
< ![CDATA[I've learned that I need to stop letting people wallk all over me in a friendship. It's something I'm actually dealing with in a current friendship, she lacks respect for me. It's hard to let a long term relationship go, but I've also learned that sometimes it's better to let it go.
Sarah’s last blog post..The ‘Lesser’ Genre]]>
April 5th, 2008 at 8:37 am
< ![CDATA[Definitely a, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger" story. I always love those, because when you're sitting in it at the time, it's a shithole, but when you look back you feel so good that you made it through and learned from it.
From looking at others relationships, and I guess from not having had a relationship (especially in high school) I've learned that I don't want a relationship for 'show', I want someone who I can have actual dialogue and be comfortable with.
Jessica’s last blog post..Dear Dr. King,]]>
April 5th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
< ![CDATA[1- NEVER sleep with anyone who has Way more problems than you.
2- NEVER take up with anyone you need to drive more than a hour to go see.
3- NEVER believe anyone who says they are Happy- ALWAYS believe them when they say they are Unhappy.
4- NEVER loan anyone your: Car,Credit/ATM card,Your Heart,Your Well BeingYour Honor.
5- The 1st time anyone you are with lies about where/who or what they were doing, Cheats or Steals from you-DUMP THEM QUICK!!!
6- You Can't Change anyone unless they want to change.
7- Dump anyone who doesn't want you to meet their friends or family.
8- If they strike you-they DON'T like you!
9- Don't be anyone's Accessory unless you're getting something out of it.
10- Dump them if you can, Avoid them if you must but don't kill anyone unless you have thought it out completely, know how/where to dispose of the body and account for your whereabouts- the trail will wind up right back to you. (or so I've seen from all the TV programs)
Hope this helps.]]>
April 7th, 2008 at 11:19 am
< ![CDATA[Avitable; I spit my drink out on the computer for that one. LMFAO!
Celise; I had developed the fuck it attitude as well, and then Booth walked into Shannon’s house bahah! But yes, waiting is an important lesson to learn.
Sarah; I had to learn that one too, it’s tough though because you always feel guilty about standing up for yourself. Well I did anyway, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but enough is enough right?
Jessica; It definitely was a what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger story! And to be honest, that’s the conclusion I came too before meeting Booth. There were tons of people interested in me (hence the Boy 1, 2, and 3 issues) but I couldn’t force myself to even consider being with any of them. I didn’t want a relationship to have a relationship, I wanted someone who I could talk to, have fun with, be serious with, etc.
Wild Bill; Good tips haha :)]]>