Being a bridesmaid is tiring work, but it’s fun! Last night we had a family dinner, then McPout left to go pick up the wedding invitation return envelopes and calligraphy pens so we could write out the return address on the envelopes to include in the invitation, so like the people can send their RSVP
We practically did them until 2am, hehe. I did the most! Cause I’m super awesome like that. But I guess I paid for it…my wrist hurts the most
Anyways, so I decided what I’m going to do for the next 5 months (since I’m not going to move now and I won’t be in school and I can’t work because I don’t have a license and both my parents work full time and can’t cart me around): I’m going to work on a book! Like I’m really honestly going to work on a book! I’ve already started to do the plot and character development, and I already know what’s going to happen at the beginning, the middle, and the end. All I have to do now is do some back ground research so I know what I’m talking about.
After it’s written, I have absolutely no idea where to go from there. Maybe self publish it? Or perhaps send a manuscript over to some publishing companies, demanding that they read it and publish it? Lord I have no idea what to do hehe! But this gives me something solid to do for nearly half a year. And I absolutely love writing, so I just know that I’m going to have a blast doing it!
Ya so don’t think I’m crazy or anything…cause that wouldn’t be very nice…
Re*pres*son:1. a repressing or being repressed. 2. Psychiatry a) the mechanism by which ideas, impulses, etc. are repressed b) something repressed in this way
Have you ever personally felt as if you shouldn’t say what’s on your mind because you just knew that the person wouldn’t approve of the boldness of whatever it is that you wanted to say? Have you ever held back on speaking your mind just because you knew that it wasn’t “acceptable” to utter such “nonsense”?
I have.
There have been many times when I held back on saying something that I felt or thought because I already knew the opinions of people who I am with. In doing so, I repressed myself. I gave in to the “socially acceptable” thing to do and kept quiet.
I regret that, and I resent that I allowed myself to reframe from stating my opinion and the reasons behind it. I resent that my opinion and beliefs would not have been “acceptable”.
I bet you’re wondering what the hell I’m talking about eh? Well, I’m talking about a lot of things and nothing all at the same time. I’m talking about my feelings and beliefs towards homosexuals, aboriginals, developmentally handicapped people and every other single person out there. I am talking about my friends, my family, and total and complete strangers that have unknowingly repressed me by refusing to hear what I’ve had to say about those things.
Fact of the matter is that I do both agree and support homosexuals. I fully plan on taking part of the Gay Pride parade next year. I believe that love is love, and people should always do whatever makes them happy. Gay doesn’t hurt anybody, so why are there still people out there who completely disagree with it and resent the fact that it simply is?
And regarding the aboriginal peoples in our community: I don’t see any difference between them and everybody else, so I don’t see why there has to be a solid line dividing us. Everybody and anybody can have issues that they need help with, and it doesn’t ever hurt to try and help a community. We are all the same race: humans. I think that if everybody looked at it that way instead of dividing things up into something as trivial as colour, then we wouldn’t have as many issues as we do now. People of manority only seem to have “so many issues” because they feel repressed, and personally I don’t blame anybody for feeling repressed because we all are.
I believe that people with developmental disabilities deserve the same opportunities as everybody else. I think our communities need to work towards ensuring that they are given the same opportunities instead of only some of the same opportuntities. I also think that schools need to start enforcing and teaching more about empathy at a younger age, so that kids don’t grow up thinking that people with developmental disabilities are beneath them because they aren’t as intellectually developed.
I know what I believe in, and I know that it is hard for some people to agree with me because of the way they were brought up. I know several people whom I love and care deeply about that were brought up to believe that God intended for men and women to be together in order to reproduce, therefore homosexuality is wrong. I know many people blinded by other peoples prejudices and therefore think that all aboriginal communities are doomed because they don’t want help. Ok, so I can agree with the fact that anybody who doesn’t want to help themselves is doomed to continue on a destructive path because you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help, but aboriginal peoples are not the only people who are like this, so they need to stop being addressed this way and you need to stop thinking this way.
Times have changed folks. Centuries ago, I probably would have been institutionalized because I have a medical disability and it was common to ship away “special needs” children to institutions.
I apologize for not visiting all the lovely blogs out their to comment my love and holiday wishes, however since I am back at the homestead on the dialup connection and it takes ever so long for each page to load and my patience these days is ever so not there, I didn’t bother I’m sorry!!! I will soon though, in fact I’ll start opening the pages now and hopefully by midnight I shall have a few of them half loaded!
Anyways, Christmas was wonderful! For the most part…ya I could have gone without the drinking 7 glasses of wine and doing countless shots with the sisters…cause it resulted in me puking my guts up and passing out on the bathroom floor. Ah, you know you’re of Irish heritage when…I think I had a little too much “Christmas cheer”. Crap. I’m gonna be the aunt that they have to force away from the wine, aren’t I?
Boxing day was super good cause I managed to stay away from any alcholoic beverages and Granny makes super good food, and the company wasn’t so bad either. No amusing puke stories though…
I am offically finished at the group home; had my last three shifts yesterday and today. No more going back. I will miss the residents and some of my co-workers, but that’s about it. I hated pushing myself past my limits in order to do half of the stuff everybody else so easily did with crappier results.
Which is why I am rethinking my career choice. Sure, I would absolutely love to help people and become a Social Worker, but to be an actual Social Worker it requires a lot of schooling and I just don’t have the money. To be a Social Service Worker, the only jobs really offered are in group home settings with crap pay. So very physical jobs with crappy, not understanding management who wouldn’t support my need for a couple days off here and there to re-energize.
Anyways, it looks like I won’t be joining Karen as soon as I thought I would. My parents decided just recently that driving school up in her neck of the woods isn’t such a grand idea.
But anywho, I’m off to do something else while I wait for my internet pages to load. And tomorrow, check out the lovely special post I have in store all about repression!
In case you didn’t notice, my blog was broken for a little while. I have no idea what was wrong with it - I don’t think I did anything to break it…I was writing a really in-your-face-awesome post (which thankfully was saved a little and I can rewrite and post at a later date ;)). Anyways, it’s fixed now so no worries.
I’ve officially moved out of the apartment. I left the keys on the desk and took everything back to my parent’s house today. Now I’ve got to unpack it all and repack what I want to take up, cause I’ve got a lot of stuff I wanna take up. I am just realizing just how many clothes I have — but I can’t forget anything because what if I want to wear it? I’ll be four hours away and unable to get at it. Plus I’ve gotta bring all of my shoes in case I go out somewhere special or something. God forbid leaving them at my parent’s house; B2 would probably steal them to sell on e-Bay to wear.
I still have 3 more shifts at the group home; all back to back so I won’t need to go back to the apartment, which is why I moved out today. Then I move in with Karen — I’m sure it will take them only a short while to realize their mistake and take back the offer though!
Now I need to go clean the entire house because guess what? It’s Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas everyone! I’m sure in two days time I’ll have a bunch of funny family stories to post on the Internet, and I bet they’ll be all about McPout and Nelly’s fun adventures while full of “Christmas cheer”!
So I decided that if I was a superhero, then my characters name would be Sex, because I’m that awesome. Not Sex as in intercourse sex, but Sex as in “Wow, that’s so sex” (awesome, super, wicked, totally wow, cool etc). Ya. That’s what I decided.
Anyways, today I hung out with an old friend that I haven’t seen in forever! We picked Fuzz up from school, then my old friend had to go to work. Fuzz and I stuck around his place for a bit to wait for his mom so he could get the car, then we picked up Peterpops and went to the mall to do a bit of Christmas shopping and hang out. I bought Fuzz and Peterpops their gifts while they were there - why not? Fuzz wanted a sweater from West 49, and Peterpops got some stuff from Sirens (so did I). Peterpops bought me my gifts while we at the mall too, and I got a sweater that looks like the one I bought her only mine is white, and a blue thermal shirt that looks awesome on me. Fuzz did his shopping a while ago and bought me an iPod stereo thing. It’s wicked cool. It doubles as an alarm clock!
After the mall, we caught up with some of Fuzz’s friends to see I Am Legend - if you haven’t seen that movie yet, I demand that you go see it right now. It was so intense and awesome and scary! The plot was sooo good!!
But anyways that was my day. Yesterday was uneventful other then it being McPout’s birthday and us all going to a really awesome restaurant for dinner and chilling out. That was way cool.
And now I have to go do my laundry and clean my room so I can sleep in tomorrow without worrying about not getting it done. I’m supposed to hang out with some people tomorrow, and in the evening go to a movie with NSN’s mom and sisters.
Ok is that seriously weird and creepy if I go see a movie with my ex-boyfriends mom and sisters? Because we had these plans for a while…and I like them as people, not as my ex-boyfriends family. I’m not like planning on using them to get back with him - ew, no way. The only thing about dating him that I miss is being able to see them more often. That’s it. So regardless of what you all think, I’m still going. Besides, I want to see Alvin and the Chipmunks.
What is your favourite part of Christmas? Is it the gift receiving? The gift giving? Or the spending time with family? I personally like them all, not necessarily in that order. My absolute favourite part about Christmas is getting the opportunity to spend time with my family. I love my family, so why would this not be my favourite part? I love watching the expressions on the faces of those I care about as they open gifts too. That’s pretty awesome. And hey, who doesn’t like presents? You would be lying if you told me you didn’t like receiving presents. Unless, of course, they were far to overly expensive and made you feel cheap. Heh.
Anyways, I have sooo many fond memories that circle around the holidays. Every year on Christmas Eve, without fail, my sisters and I all hang our stockings and set out milk and cookies for Santa. Never mind the fact that we all know there is “no such thing” as Santa; we do this for the Christmas spirit though, and so my dad has something to munch on later that night while my mom does all the work of stuffing stockings. Sometimes, if he’s feeling generous my mom does get to have a cookie though!
Christmas dinner is always full of conversation and laughter, and eating of course. The food is always amazing thanks to the lovely women of the house excluding me because I can’t cook jack shit. And I absolutely love watching Papa put on the plastic jewelery that he always gets every year in those Christmas cracker thingers and make jokes about being Elton John’s lover. This is always hilarious for two reasons: 1. Papa [when not cheerful with "Christmas spirit"] would never normally make jokes like that and 2. Roomy’s little sister is best friends with the niece of Elton John’s actual lover so it’s kind of ironic and funny at the same time.
The party never stops at our house too. Drinks all around, no matter what time of day fo sho! I have hilarious memories of Nelly chasing the garage doorknob down the stairs saying “I GOT IT!” whist very “cheerful with Christmas spirit” early on Boxing day morning, having not gone to bed yet. And McPout dancing around the garage to her favourite tunes occasionally shouting to Nelly just how much she loved him. And games of pool of course, in which somebody always leaves a lot poorer then when they showed up (obviously we bet nickels and dimes, and I always have a lot of those!). And I always get to see those lovely cousins from out of town - Joel, Mel, Karen, Daren & the kids. This year will be different though because I will be going back with them.
So anyways, that’s my favourite part of Christmas and those are the reasons why I love Christmas time so much: for the food, and my family of course. However…I’m nervous about this year. I have no idea if it’s going to be as carefree and fun as all the other years have been, what with recent issues involving one of my immediate family members.
My Christmas wish this year is to have a carefree Christmas with everybody getting along and laughing and enjoying themselves.
I am very tired. I did the overnight sleep at work last night…and I really don’t sleep during the overnight sleeps. Too many loud noises that interrupt my beauty sleep — which I need in order to look as good as I look all the time. Ya.
So I have decided that I’ve really had enough of boy drama. I haven’t officially broken up with Chisel. I haven’t talked to him since two nights ago, and that “conversation” was brief; he explained why he fell off the face of the earth for 5 days and I wasn’t impressed. We didn’t get to talk about the state of our relationship, as his friend called and he just had to take it. He said he was going to call me back 20 minutes later…and he never did. So we have yet to discuss the state of things.
I am one of those people that can’t let things be without resolving them — although I am broken up with Chisel in my mind. I just want to actually tell him this - but I can’t if he has fallen off the edge of the earth. Oh well. I am so sick of boy drama.
Definitely not dating for the next while, definitely not.
Boy woes aside, I haven’t started packing yet. I know, thats bad…I’m moving in ten days and I haven’t even started packing yet. I need boxes and such. Tonight I work again, and then I have the next three days off; I am hoping to throw myself a goodbye party so I can see all my friends before I leave. I just have to sort out when, where, and who’s all invited
Now I’m going to catch up on reading and commenting all those lovely blogs out there that I have been neglecting because I am super busy no excuse, I know. I’ll make up for it today though!
P.S. Note to self; stop kissing friends. Not so much a good idea.
P.S.S if anybody can find me this song and send it to me I would be entirely grateful; I tried to find it on iTunes but no luck. I love this song. It reminds me of recent events, and thats not necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, the song is “Tonight” by FM Static:
“Making the transition from child to adult is a painful and often heartbreaking process called being a teenager. If you want to taste the pain of those years then look no further than Sarcastica. Although it is usually easy to spot a teenage angst blog from half a mile away, that isn’t true with this one. In fact, if I could, I’d proof her to make sure she really IS as young as she says… because her perspective on life is a far more grown up way of looking at things than some adult bloggers I know. Still… there is purity of heart there… even if it is the heart of an older soul trapped in a younger body.“
I’m super touched that he doesn’t think that I am an angsty teen blogger, because I really don’t want to be an angsty teen blogger. I know that most of my posts aren’t exactly dancing in a field of tulips happy, but come on…who is 100% happy all the time? I know I’m not. I suppose I’m just a realistic person…for the most part.
Anyways, I’m really pleased that Dawg finds me to be so pure of heart…most of my friends wouldn’t agree!! Well, they just wouldn’t agree with me being pure in anyway I suppose…hehe.
I can admit though, I am very honest with my thoughts and feelings. I don’t hide them from anybody; why should I? We were meant to have them, not hide them. So here I am, spilling both thoughts and feelings onto this blog that I started 2 years and one day ago. I have shared many experiences and grown up a lot, and the proof of that is in previous posts. If you feel like going way back in the day to read them, go right ahead; you know where the archives are.
Anywho, thanks a bunch Dawg; you are totally sweet. And very thoughtful; most people don’t read the person behind the words, they just read the words.
Now, I hope you all enjoy this hilarious video. That is all, goodnight.
Well my pets, I wrote NSN a final message on facebook before I completely erase him from my mind, heart and soul;
Dear NSN, I don’t understand why you have become this way, but know that none of it is my fault and I am far from the bad guy. I hope you are happy knowing now that your word is unfortunately shit, since you broke every last one of your promises to me. All of them. Including paying me back the money I spent when Ididn’t have it and you knew I had it but guilted me into it anyway.
You know what though? I am SO sick of fighting with you and trying to make you keep your word to me of paying me back in installments, since you had already broken so many promises and I did not want you to become that asshole of a guy that you said you never would. You’ve become it though. You have broken me down enough for the past six months, and I’m worn out.
So go ahead and victimize yourself and make all your friends hate me by telling twisted stories about how I wronged you, I don’t care. Youaren’t the person you once were and I have no desire of getting to know the now you. None whatsoever. I never have wanted to, I just wanted you to pay me back so I wouldn’t hate you forever. But I do now, because you are a horrible, unrecongizatble person who has ruined every fond memory I once had of you.
So keep the effing 400 dollars, the money you blinded me of, and I hope you realize just how much of a heartless dick you really are. After a year of supposedly loving someone you could care so less about theirwellbeing now? That’s REAL low NSN, real low. But I’ve had enough of asking why and I’ve accepted that you really are just an immature prick who is only concerned about himself. If you weren’t this way, you would still care enough to keep your final promise of paying me back - regardless of how our relationship went.
Don’t bother replying or sicking your little friends on me, just read this final message and let the words sink deep in…if you can do that. I had a hard time getting anything to sink into your thick skull, as you were so obsessed with yourself. But this is you now, and I hope you’re happy being “that guy”.
Have a wonderful life, you won’t be interuptting mine or stomping on me anymore.
Goodbye,
Sarcastica.
I think it was beautifully written, poetic even. I hope he reads it and realizes just how horrible of a person he is. No, I do not want him to reply to it or call me apologizing and offering to pay me back so he can clear his name, nope. I want him to keep the money and forever know that he didn’t pay me back, after all I did for him, after how much I was in love with him (and thought he was in love with me). I hope he keeps every penny and lives with that every single day. Everytime he dates, I hope he thinks of how he hurt me and knows that he is truly unworthy of having anybody love him. On that note, The End.
Now, I’ve been thinking just how good it is going to be for me when I move in with Karen. I will be four hours anyway from everybody I know here, and although it’s sad it’s a good thing at the same time. I have been on a very self-destructive path as of late, and I’m afraid I may of jepordized another one of my friendships by acting on my impulses. Now I will remove myself from the situation I have created and take a breather from being a wild college girl. I don’t want to date, and it’s unhealthy for me to have “special friends”. So I won’t.
I think Chisel and I are over, on account of he hasn’t spoken to me really since Thursday, save for a text message and brief MSN conversation on Friday. Clearly he doesn’t want to speak to me, and clearly I don’t want to speak to him. Unfortunately, I broke things off over text message and I couldn’t get a hold of him on the phone. I know, very high schoolish. Whatever though. It basically said since he wasn’t talking to me and since I am moving in two weeks, there really isn’t a point to continuing our relationship.
Anyways, I’m off to work now. Despite being in so much pain thanks to my no good legs. Sigh.
