The Sunday Sarcastica Opinion #4: Relationships & Trust
July 28, 2007
How fitting that 4 is the number of this issue of The Sunday Sarcastica Opinion; the issue where I will write about my thoughts, views, and opinions on relationships and trust. As some of you may know, I started dating Nifty on September fourth. Four is our number; and I have always loved the number four. For the past 10 months, something wonderful has happened on the fourth of each month - all related to Nifty. Lame, I know, and rather irrelevant but oh well.
Now, on to the post; this week I choose to speak about relationships and trust, since they are both very common things in our every day life - unless of course you are a hermit who has no contact with the outside world… although I suppose that could mean you have severe trust issues…but who I am to go Dr. Phil on your ass. If you like being a hermit, be a hermit!
Anyways, I personally have found that it gets harder and harder to rely on people completely. Even if that person is someone you love and want to be with forever, it’s difficult to trust 100% in them and yourself. This does affect the relationship, obviously. Would you want to be with someone who constantly doubted your every word and basically just waited for the bottom to drop out?
Almost all of my friends have developed trust issues over the years from liking the wrong sort of guy. I’ve been there, and I’ve had my heart broken twice before by my 2 previous boyfriends. I trusted the wrong guys, and ended up $40 short in one case and with my ego bruised. My sense of self worth was lowered. Both of these ex-boyfriends underlying reasons for dumping me was my medical condition. The bone thing “freaked them out”. Anyways, it left me completely untrusting of poor Nifty - who has never given me any reason to doubt him.
I think the underlying reason for trust issues when it comes to your boyfriend or girlfriend is not trusting yourself enough. It’s not believing that something good could last forever. It’s doubting all the time because you feel you aren’t worthy of the good things in your life staying. At least, that’s the way it is in my case. Every case is different though, although not really. If you’ve been burned in the past, you tend to keep that message close to your heart; trusting was a bad idea. It left you broken, confused and lost. Then when you meet that special person who really is worth the trust and the time, it’s very difficult to break out of the habit of doubting.
I have noticed that several of my girl friends also have trust problems when it comes to their friendships with other people. I know we all hide a secret part of ourselves until we are positive the person we wish to reveal it too will not laugh or turn their backs on us. I have few people in my life that I would call “best friends”. I have close friends that I cherish and hold dear to me, but I am still unable to reveal myself completely to anyone.
I find it ironic that the person who gets the majority of my doubts and trust issues directed to them is the one person who truly does know me and accept me for who I am. He is my everything, and he feels my pain and I feel his. He’s cried for me when I hurt because he cares about me so much he can’t stand to see me in any sort of pain. I can’t imagine life without him and that’s what truly scares me; that I’ve grown accustomed to him being there. One day the day could come when he isn’t, and I am afraid I won’t know what to do. So my insecurities and doubts press on our nearly perfect relationship. It would be the perfect relationship if I let it.
But in all honesty, how do you stop your trust issues from ruining relationships? How do you put an end to the insecurities and fears that chip away at your relationship? If you are fully aware of the faults that are only your own, why do you keep acting the way you do? Is there ever a way to overcome it all and actually trust without fear?
Unfortunately, many of us - myself included - don’t know the answer and we continue to doubt. Even if its small doubts; they are still present. I suppose the answer is to keep trying to trust yourself, and when you finally do trust yourself you will have trust back in your relationships with other people.
What do you think? Do you think the lack of trust in relationships is caused by the lack of trust in yourself? Let me know what you think and feel. Thats basically the whole part of this post.
July 28th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
< ![CDATA[You have to trust. Otherwise, it's not a real relationship. If the person you're with is not also your best friend, there are definite problems. I don't think that this is necessarily true with the types of relationships you have in high school or college, but when you start to get serious about them, trust is more important than almost anything.]]>
July 28th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
< ![CDATA[True are your words! However what I was trying to explain is that I doubt more myself then I do him. Its me who I don’t trust.
Sorry this post makes no sense, I really wasn’t feeling well when I wrote it. Hell I’m still not feeling well!]]>
July 29th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
< ![CDATA[Because my husband has complete trust in me, I'm able to completely trust him. He told me that since the day he met me, he never questioned my motives or wondered what I was doing if I wasn't with him or suspected any sort of foul play. Because of a previous relationship wherein I was treated like the town whore, constantly questioned about my classes, my work schedule, my attire, etc, I was always scared that my husband would wig out on me if I wanted to do my own thing. So, even when he was completely cool with it, I would have all this anxiety, even though I was doing NOTHING wrong. People can fuck with your head BADLY! Now, I have no problem telling him I'm going shopping with my friend or I'm meeting the girls after work for a drink. Because he's always trusted me. I had to retrain my brain/body to respond to a normal human being again. It was hard to do, but had nothing to do with him. It was something I had to do for myself. So, that doesn't really answer your question, but it doesn't matter, because I'm opening up here, so deal with it. LOL!]]>
July 29th, 2007 at 4:41 pm
< ![CDATA[... and Avi's right, as usual ...]]>
July 30th, 2007 at 7:12 am
< 
but you are right too.
Maybe I’m just weird :|]]>
July 30th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
< ![CDATA[I think you are definately right in saying that trust issues stem from yourself. If you feel unworthy of someones love then you will come to beleive that they will lie, cheat, hurt or leave you. What you need to realize is that people can sense a lack of confidence or too much confidence and both can hurt a relationship. If you always feel like your not good enough then you will begin to seem that way to people around you, just like if you portray yourself as better than others, neither is appealing. I know its hard but the one thing you need to remember is that if your boy/girlfriend or spouse is going to cheat on you, deceive you, leave you etc....they will do that whether you worry about it or not! So you might as well enjoy your time spent with anyone in every relationship you have. Time can only tell whats to come of your relationships, you might as well take advantage of all the time you can. Also if someone is with you they are with you for you. What makes you who you are includes both your good and bad traits.]]>
July 30th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
< ![CDATA[How did you become so wise Shannon? :)]]>
July 31st, 2007 at 12:32 pm
< ![CDATA[I have always been wise.....I have just been too drunk to express it! LOL Total Joke!]]>