It’s my fault for reading vampire books
I don’t have to be at co-op until 2pm today, so I’m lazing around Nifty’s house. I suppose I could have had more fun and be more comfortable at my own house…but since I had already promised his mom last night that I would babysit, plus I knew he was expecting me to be here when he got home from work, when my mom called offering to pick me up I said no. I didn’t want to leave his mom stranded with nobody to watch the kids, plus I didn’t want to irritate Nifty by saying I would be there and then not being there. I waited up for him since I knew I would sleep most of today away, and he brought me an ice cap from Tim Hortons - which he ended up drinking. What a sweet heart.
Anyway, I had to boogie off quick last night before I could say all that I wanted to say in my post. Someone came in (it was Gilbert, Nifty’s 14 year old sister…by the way that isn’t her real name) and I felt guilty for being on the computer without “permission”, even though they don’t mind. But Papa’s surgery uncovered a 90% blockage in his main artery, and he needs bypass surgery. Karen has a more detailed overview, if you want to hear the more educated verison since I’m still sort of dazed about it. Bypass surgery? My Papa? No way. I’ve always considered him to be invinciable, although I suppose nobody really is. But I know my Papa is very strong, he’s one of the strongest men I know. So is my dad. I don’t know when his surgery is yet, but I know he’s high up there on the important list.
Tomorrow is my high school Prom. I’m starting to get a little more excited about it, but now I’m furious with Nifty. You see, I had planned on putting my hair up in a french twist with curls like I had for grade 11 semi-formal, but the little vampire left a huge marking on my neck. Right before Prom. I have a feeling he did it on purpose, because he likes to embarrass me that way. In any case, I can’t wear my hair up anymore and I now have to look at hairstyles that are down. I’m thinking this one worn by Hilary Duff in A Cinderella Story?
Posted by Sarcastica @
12:18 pm |
Everything is a debate
I’m debating on whether or not to change my blog name. Avitable came up with a couple good ones, my favourite being “Miss Misery Loves Company”. I don’t know yet though, I’m still thinking on it. I’ve had MMS since I started out as a new, immature blogger. Now I’m an “old” immature blogger. I was thinking I should have a new name to go along with a new life; college life. This was high school life, that could be after high school life.
Currently I am babysitting at Nifty’s house. His mother went out to play cards for a bit and no one else is home. I tried to get his youngest sister to throw out the bottle part to her Baby Bottle Pop (a type of powered candy in a baby bottle with a sucker for the “nipple”) and she threw it accross the room and said I could do it. I think I’ve made it clear that they can’t boss me around though, because she ended up throwing it out when I took the rest of her candy away. Thats right, I’m a bitch. I just can’t stand when someone tries to boss me around and demand things. You have to work for what you want and pull your own weight.
Only about four more hours until Nifty gets home, then I can relay the funny conversation I had with his mother. She said it would be interesting to see the ears on Nifty and my kids (if we decide to have them down the road) because Nifty has big ears and mine stick out. Nice huh? Plus there was a couple other interesting topics that I don’t think I’ll blog about because my mom now reads this blog.
Posted by Sarcastica @
7:27 pm |
Feeling Undervalued and Overlooked
I suppose one could see the volunteer orientation we had tonight went swell. I was in charge of two stations: What Sunrise Expects and the Gossip, Tact and Confidentiality sections of Sunrise. I personally thought I did well, considering I am in no means or way a public speaker. I freeze up, and I stumble over my words. I can’t get whats in my head out sounding good and educated. I never sound like I know what I am talking about when I am forced to “public speak”. In case you’re wondering, I consider anything where you have to speak to people who aren’t your close friends public speaking. Any conversation where you are explaining something to someone else that you don’t really know. Anyway, I am just not good at it. But tonight I thought I did okay. Ya there were moments when I froze but I pushed through them and kept talking anyway. I did stumble over my words but who doesn’t? Especially when they are in a rush to explain things. I don’t know if I explained things thoroughly and in a way that made sense though, I suppose time will tell.
At the end of the night, Bossman (the Program Director) closed off with a lovely little speech where he said that “KIAB and John have been volunteering for years before they were employed, so this definitely opens up doors and opportunities for you”. Um hello, what about me? I have been volunteering here longer then John. Maybe not as long as KIAB, but shouldn’t I have been included in that? Especially considering my volunteer and co-op work was what landed me the job as well? Apparently not. That wasn’t the first time I was overlooked. Bossman also told everyone that if they had any questions regarding the members then they should go to KIAB or John, because they’ve been at Sunrise for years. Again, me. What am I?
It just seems like I can never fully rise over anything. I’m always not as good as someone else and it’s irritating, especially when you are trying to do something you want to do for the rest of your life and you are hearing that someone else is better then you. I felt overlooked and undervalued, and it sucks. How come I’m never included in “talk to so and so, they’ve been here forever and know everyone!” I do know everyone, and maybe I am a little less egotistic and more quiet (oh my gosh, did I just say that? Me more quiet then someone? Ya. It happens) but I still know things. It seems like I haven’t been getting any credit again recently. Someone else is always outshining me and I work so hard but it goes unnoticed. Or with little notice towards my work because someone else has just done something way better or more important. And it seems like KIAB keeps finding ideas to make things better for everyone at the office, even when they don’t need improving.
Everything seems to be pushing my buttons lately. I am mad at Nifty because some slutty girl who used to be one of his best friends back in grade 2 or something added him on facebook and he accepted. It irritates me because this girl is wearing a revealing bikini that leaves nothing to the imagination. What ever happened to class? I haven’t talked to him about it but I can grantee you that when he calls me tonight - or IF he calls me - I’ll be mentioning it. He was pissed at me yesterday because I told him that B2 pantsed me in front of her new boyfriend and he saw my underwear, so I think I can return the favour by being pissed about him having some skanky half naked chick on his facebook. I hate how it makes me feel insecure, especially considering she’s a lot prettier then me. Ya, I’ll admit it…I’m jealous. I’ve always been a jealous, insecure person.
I’m also worried about my Papa. He goes in for surgery tomorrow, and my mom already left to drive him. Tomorrow can’t be over soon enough, I’ll know by this time tomorrow how things went. For now, things just suck.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:03 pm |
A Lesson
Today is my baby sister’s birthday. She turned 15. It’s startling how quickly she is growing up, and how rebellious she has become. Tonight, her new love interest came over for dinner. It was rather awkward for me, considering he is in my grade and I went to school with him for 4 years or so…and considering he had that thing with JD a while ago…well I’d just rather not go there. I’m trying to remain neutral about everything, and not judge. He is a nice enough guy but I’m still unsure of if I want her hanging out with him or not. Time will tell I suppose.
Bah. Time. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to do all the stuff you have to do. Just because I’m 17 - nearly 18 now - doesn’t mean I don’t experience how demanding a day can be. My job is demanding, and I know that people often ask how I can “handle” working with people with developmental disabilities. I’ll tell you now; my challenge isn’t working with them, its doing all the stuff that I have to do in order to keep the organization running smoothly for them. Our organization is all about creating real social experiences for our members and as a Summer Student (and co-op student for that matter) most of my work and time goes into planning all of the summer events we have. We go camping 4 weekends in June and July, and we have a weeklong camp at the end of August. Plus we have dances, clubnights, and day trips. It’s a lot of work - especially planning a successful camp. But the members are worth the effort, because they enjoy it and are grateful.
In my opinion, I am not doing anything special or brave. Everyone should be given the chance to make friends and live life the “normal” way. Everyone should be treated equally and with respect. No one is better then anyone else. That’s what I believe and that is why it is easy for me to work with the developmentally disabled. I love it. I helped a member who can’t use their hands eat lunch today, and it made my day that she would specifically ask for me. I like making someone else feel good and included in the community.
Tomorrow I am helping to run a volunteer orientation. I will be in charge of two stations; the first one is about what our organization expects from our volunteers, and the second is a station on gossip, tact and confidentiality. What I have noticed about a lot of the high school volunteers at Sunrise is that they are less tactful when asking questions or talking to other volunteers. For example, at the New Years dance that just past I had a guy volunteer say “Oh my God! What happened to your arm?! It looks like you got malled by a bear!” I was stunned because he wouldn’t have said something like that to a member, so why did he say it to me?
I want new volunteers to know that gossip isn’t aloud in this kind of I hope that we can mold and shape these eager volunteers to treat everyone the same; with respect, empathy, understanding, and tact. Tomorrow will be a long day though, and I really hope that I don’t mess up on my words because I want to be understand. I want the potentialenvironment, and that they can’t afford to be tactless.
And in case it wasn’t obvious…I am dead tired and I barely know what I’m talking about.
Also, I am thinking about a total blog makeover…maybe even a new name. Any suggestions? I briefly thought “Jess Is A Mess” would be a funny blog title, but Karen thinks its lame and seems to think MMS suits me just fine. Suggestions really are welcome!
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:28 pm |
Stealing Time
Have you ever wished that you could go back in time and redo something? Maybe spend more time with a loved one, or keep a promise that you forgot about because you just didn’t have the time? I wish that right now.
My grandparents have always played a really important role in my life. Since the time my sisters and I were babies, they would take us for weeks at a time and spoil us rotten with the love only grandparents have. They would take us to the cottage and to several air forces, and ice skating at the local skating rink. They would come to every single birthday, holiday, or minor celebration and bring with them Papa’s jokes and Granny’s sweetness. If asked, I would tell you that my Granny and Papa would last forever, that they were invincible. I really can’t honestly picture things different, things without either one of them.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve found myself visiting with them less often. I would usually have a part time job and be working during the holidays where I would usually spend at their house, and therefore I didn’t. This summer I will be working full time, so visiting with them will be hard. I wish there was more time to spend with them.
In the past couple of years, they have started to show that they are not invincible. A couple of years ago, Papa had a heart attack and Granny had a diabetic stroke. Small things that they both recovered from after a while of rest, but it stunned me and sort of woke me up.
Now my Papa is having a minor surgery to see with the blockage near his heart is from and if they can fix it. It will be this Wednesday, which means he won’t be coming down for my prom. Papa will either be resting or still in the hospital. Granny will undoubtedly be with him.
Tonight we went over to G&P’s house for dinner to celebrate B2’s (younger sister) birthday and to see Papa before he went in for surgery. I guess he maybe had a little too much to drink, because he was talking nonsense all night and upset me a few times. I told him about how I wanted to go to Ireland within the next couple of years, and he told me he would pay for it and that we would go with Granny as a graduating present - but I had to graduate college first. Then he started to joke around about how if he died, then I would get stuck paying for it myself. It really wasn’t a funny joke, and it really took a lot of restraint to not burst out into tears there.
You see, I’ve never been able to even handle the thought of losing someone I love, and if someone were to make a joke about it I would get so scared and paranoid. Things can’t change, I don’t know how I would handle it. So Papa’s jokes really worried me.
He passed out from exhaustion and having a little too much to drink before we cut the cake for B2. When we had to leave, I went up to his room to give him a kiss and a hug goodbye. He was asleep, but after I kissed him he sort of woke up and started rambling about how I need to look after Granny because she didn’t think he would make it. I started to cry and asked him “What about my graduation? Shannon’s wedding? The rest of our weddings?” and he sort of laughed and said he’d see them. I don’t know what he meant.
Dad told me nothing bad was going to happen because its a minor surgery, Papa was just drinking and tired. Still though, its hard to push those scary thoughts from mind. I wish I could spend more time with my grandparents. I resent the fact that I now work full time during the summer, although I suppose I could go up on weekends. I know you can’t stop the unstoppable, but I wish you could put it off for longer.
Posted by Sarcastica @
8:41 pm |
It’s About Freakin’ Time.
I have seriously been trying to update this friggin’ thing for 3 hours now. My browser is shit, it doesn’t load anything and takes forever. Luckily it seems to be working now, for the moment anyway. I seriously can not wait until I get wireless internet - only 3 more solid months.
Anyway, shopping went good today. We had a late start because my lovely cousin decided to stop in on her way to G&P’s house with the boys, and then my dad decided to play doctor on the car and try to fix the headlights - which, by the way, he ended up screwing up even more. Now they stay on when off and go off when on. Ya, figure that one out.
Anywho, I was surprised at how good our moms got along. I thought it was going to be somewhat awkward, but it wasn’t. We found a suit for Nifty in no time at all; it’s basic black and he looks hawt in it! We picked out a white dress shirt to go with it, as we couldn’t find a black one that matched the suit or a pink one that matched my dress. Instead we bought a couple of ties from Wal-Mart that we think might match my dress - we’ll have to wait until Monday to see as I didn’t end up going to get my dress today. The lady was too behind I suppose what with it being prom season and all.
After we got Nifty’s suit, we went to Boston Pizza for lunch. Man I love Boston Pizza! Zorba The Greek is the best pizza I have ever tasted, and I have tasted a lot of pizza! After lunch we picked up some coffee and went to Nifty’s house. Our moms’ chatted it up in the kitchen while we hung out in his room playing Zelda. We would occasionally join them in the kitchen to see what they were talking about, but we really couldn’t get a word in so we would leave again shortly after.
Tomorrow I was supposed to visit Nifty again during the day, but I had to cancel that because we are going to dinner at G&Ps. Papa has a surgery coming up on Wednesday to see if the blockage near his heart is a serious problem or something like that, and we all want to see him before then. Karen came down from the wild West, and everyone is trying to remain casual about it and not worry. I’m worried sick. I have no idea what the details of it are and I’m scared. Any kind of surgery is risky, and I don’t want anything happening to my Papa. I don’t know what I would do if something bad happened, and I don’t think I could handle it.
I have a feeling I am going to be super stressed this week, what with Papa going into the hospital and my prom and all. Although my prom seems like a really insignifcant thing right now, I’m mostly worried about all the appointments I have. I have to get my makeup done at 1:15 and I have no idea how I’m supposed to get to the mall for that time. I know Mom will be off work in time to take me to get my hair done, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about my makeup. I know for a fact my main worry this week will be Papa.
I don’t want anything to change. I want Granny and Papa to be happy and healthy like they were five years ago; with no surgeries or sicknesses to worry about. I need them to stick around forever, they have always been in my life and I can’t imagine it without them. They come to every family gathering, every little milestone in my life. It looks like Papa may be in the hospital for my prom night, so I might not even get to dance with him. Which would suck a lot. I know a lot of girls my age don’t do the whole “father/daughter” dance, or dance with their grandpas, but I would like to. I don’t care how weird it looks to my friends, I want to do it. I was hoping to do it.
I really miss my grandparents right now.
Posted by Sarcastica @
7:50 pm |
Stupid Expenses
I have been thinking a lot about the future lately; about all the upcoming expenses and things I need to do to get my life in order. The second I turn 18, I’m applying for a Student Visa so I can start earning a good credit rating - and trust me, I won’t abuse it like most teens would. What would I abuse it with? I’m not a fan of going on several expensive shopping trips, and I’d only use it when I had the money to pay it off right away. I want to establish a good crediting rating so buying a car and a house will be easier.
I have got to come up with a game plan for buying text books, since I would rather get them second hand. The problem is I am working every day and I can’t make random trips up North to get them second hand before they are all sold. Plus I don’t have a book list yet, and I have no idea when I should expect that.
I still also need to find out if I am going to put in a landline with a long distance plan, or somehow find a really good cell phone with a decent long distance plan. Maybe unlimited incoming calls, local or long distance? Pff that’s probably a dream. In any case, my To Do List is growing with each passing day.
Although I am excited about college, I am also dreading it. I just know I will miss Nifty so much and it will suck only seeing him one day a week, but we’ll make it work. If its real like we believe it is then it will work.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:54 pm |
Swamped
Even my day planner can’t help me now, I am totally swamped what with finishing co-op projects and doing my Summer Student work - which consists of taking down all of the storage bins and making lists of inventories and washing everything in them (such as dishes) if need be. Today, I washed all the utensils, plates, bowls and cups. It took me nearly 2 hours. The second I put down the dish cloth, KIAB, Nesha and I had to go to another local high school to recruit more volunteers. I really have never been one to think of high schools as intimating - at least not since my first day of grade nine - yet this school nearly sent me into a mild anxiety attack. I felt like I was in the movie Save The Last Dance - you know the scene where all the girls are dancing to rap music in the halls? Ya. That’s what it was like. Everyone was gangsta and uncaring. I had one guy glare at me in disgust when I tried to talk to him about volunteering and hand him a brochure, and several others ignored me completely.
Despite that, I think we got a few good people who generally seemed interested in signing up and volunteering with our members. The list was longer then the one we got from Nifty’s school, and people seemed more excited about it - especially this one group of friends who kept talking about how awesome it was going to be. That was promising, especially after that guy glared at me for talking to him. We are running the orientation on Tuesday and everything has to be perfect, so Bossman is being super strict about our plans for it. We have to get everything for him for approval as soon as we can.
On top of the orientation and recruiting people, I find myself busy with preparing for camp. We’ve been planning menus and tent assignments and activities for quite some time now. Again, we want our camps to be a roaring success. Usually the summer camping weekends are boring and relaxing, and we want ours to have more things to do so it’s not boring at all but still relaxing. I am pushing for a Beach Relay and a Sandcastle Building Contest for when we’re at the beach during the afternoons; it’s just a matter of figuring out times. We also have to come up with “rainy day” activities in case it rains and we can’t do the other things we had in mind.
Anyway, last night I went and saw Shrek The Third with two members and KIAB. It was really funny, especially the part where they made fun of high school. I think I am going to plan a movie outing with everyone at least every couple of months because it’s tons of fun! Next on the list of movies to see is Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End!
On Saturday I am going to the seamstress to see if the alterations on my dress are perfect for prom, and then Nifty and our moms are going suit shopping! That’s right, he’s finally going to get his suit for my prom! I’m excited. I’m hoping that our moms will bond a bit, and maybe even become friends! Haha maybe not that would be a little weird, but Nifty’s mom seemed really touched that I was inviting her to be a part of the whole prom thing. I figured Nifty doesn’t really seem excited about his prom..so why not? Plus she already said she would take him and he did invite me and this is just how it worked out as I already had arrangements to go to the seamstress.
Now, since I don’t have any social engagements tonight, I’m going to read the Nora Roberts novel Nifty’s mom loaned me and go to bed early so I’m well rested for another day of cleaning out the storage bins and going to high schools to recruit volunteers.
Posted by Sarcastica @
7:44 pm |
Yay for long weekends!
I needed this three day weekend, I really did. Going to co-op every day, 5 days in a row gets really annoying and hard after a while. I’m still 17, I am not used to this 9-5 crap (or in my case, 8:30-4:30).
Nifty picked me up shortly after 12am on Sunday morning, and the drive up to his family’s trailer wasn’t too bad. I slept for most of it, and we went to sleep as soon as we got there. The next morning we went on a few walks together, cuddled on the couch and out by the fire, and then around 8pm took his 9 year old sister to a dance. The dance was completely lame and we left because we were so bored. Nifty and I instead sat out by the fire together and talked. We attempted to watch the Good Shepard but I fell asleep and then headed off to bed, it didn’t capture my interest.
Sunday was also somewhat cold. Today was warmer, and we spent most of the day outside on the beach and hanging out by the fire pit. We left for home around 3pm and man that was interesting. We watched Cinderella 3 in the car (I hate that movie) and Nifty and I didn’t really get to talk at all which sucked.
I liked this weekend at Nifty’s trailer, I liked how peaceful and pretty it was, and how Nifty and I talked about a lot of things and became closer. I liked spending time with him, and his family too. But there were a couple of things I didn’t like at all. For instance, Nifty’s 14 year old sister brought with her a very slutty friend for company who thought white bikini tops were hot because when wet its see through. She kept staring at Nifty a lot and it annoyed me even though he thinks she’s dirty and disgusting. Not to mention she apparently pleasured some guy she just met on the beach not even a day after she got there. That guy she hooked up with was a crush of Nifty’s 14 year old sister too, so she isn’t happy with her either. I also didn’t like the constant whining from his 9 year old sister and the tatrums from his 4 year old sister, but neither did anyone else.
I miss him already; luckily I get to see him again tomorrow. I told a couple of the members we would go to the movies tomorrow, and I get to see Nifty before and after, as I have to wait around until 6:30 rolls around and then I am sleeping over. Tomorrow is the only night we can hang out as he has to work the rest of the week.
So, I want to know…how was everyone’s May 2-4 weekend?
Posted by Sarcastica @
8:29 pm |
Don’t worry - I didn’t fall off the edge of the world
Things have just been hectic for me lately. I know - nearly 3 days without me blogging does cause concern in all the 2 millions of readers I have.
Thursday I was so busy I couldn’t even think properly. KIAB, Nesha and I all had to go to a local high school to recruit volunteers. I know it was on my schedule for nearly a week but KIAB had told me on Tuesday that we couldn’t visit any schools without the boards permission, which we don’t have yet. So I thought all appointments I had made were canceled until further notice. The school we went to though was okay with us not having board permission as they know us and our organization - one of the members goes there as well as several of our volunteers. Nifty goes there, so I was hopping to see him while we were recruiting volunteers. I didn’t because he went out for lunch with his friends and had no idea I was in the building, so that was sort of disappointing but not so much as I hung out with him Thursday night.
We recruited a total of 5 people from that high school. Only like 2 looked really promising. One girl signed up who I am pretty positive has some sort of delay as she loudly pointed at Nesha and asked if she was pregnant and normally people don’t do that. Plus it was in her facial characteristics, but Bossman said she could volunteer…even though at the last youth fair I went to with him he told me people with mental delays couldn’t as its unfair to the members who also have mental delays and have to pay. So I’m confused but if Bossman said it was okay I’m not going to tell her no. Then during the afternoon I went swimming with Day Program, and luckily the creepy lifeguard wasn’t there so I didn’t get hit on. Not even two minutes after I got back, I had to sit in on a menu planning meeting.
Thursday night Nifty and I took his younger sisters to McDonalds and then watched Greys Anatomy after everyone but his mom left for the trailer. Greys has gone down hill - I can’t believe that pretty much everyone broke up in that episode. If you don’t follow the show then I won’t bore you with the details, but I am so sick of TV and how everyone has to cheat and get divorces and break up. It’s stupid.
Friday morning went to another board room meeting where Bossman, Nesha, KIAB and I planned the first two Wilderness Weekend menus and activities. I’m hoping the weekends will be more fun the last year, as we didn’t do anything last year and we actually have activities planned. Plus we’ll be having something different every weekend, that way the volunteers won’t get bored.
And during the evening it was Kyla’s birthday party. I did have a couple Sour Puss shots and tried the Guinness my friends Kiki and Feenbag gave me before they left, but I didn’t like the Guinness so didn’t like it. Sour Puss Raspberry shots are good because it tastes like sour raspberry candy, mmm good. I didn’t get drunk though, so don’t worry.
Then today I went to the mall with Mom. I bought a new skirt, peddle pushers, 3 new tanks and a beach bag. Mom got two tanks and we both got our eyebrows done - now I have two! After that we went to Denny’s for dinner, and Nifty was working so we didn’t get our food spit on or anything. He couldn’t come out and say hi which sucked but he will be picking me up around 1am today to go to his trailer for the rest of the weekend!! I’m excited. After dinner, Mom and I just had to stop at Wal-Mart. Really, we should never stop at Wal-Mart. All we do is spend money. I am dreading the day when a Wal-Mart is built in a closer town - it’s in the early stages of development now. Finally, we left Wal-Mart around 8:30 with our hands full of new bras. I hate bras, and the stupid under wire that always breaks after a couple of washings. At least Zellers bras do anyway.
So thus concludes those 3 days I have missed informing you all about. No more birthday presents for me now, as Mom has been kind enough to buy me so much in the past couple of months. Its okay, I’m not expecting anything anyway. I already have more then enough!
Now I’m going to kill those 3 hours until Nifty picks me up by reading all my favourite blogs and hopefully commenting them - depending on how generous my dial up connection is tonight.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:47 pm |
