The Weekend
This weekend wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be volunteer wise - meaning no one really talked about the “big one” they pulled on me. We were short volunteers though and it was difficult keeping up with the members but it was still a lot of fun. I love going, just because the members are so awesome. Sunday was pretty rushed though, well I was pretty rushed because I didn’t want NB (Program Manager) and G (Program Coordinator) to have to stay late again so I was trying to get the majority of things done for them. MB (one of my friends) literally hid downstairs under his coat so that he didn’t have to clean anything. Just before we left, NB asked him to take two bins out to the truck cause he was the only guy left and I ended up doing it. I ache today from all the work yesterday but at least NB and G didn’t get landed with all the clean up work like they did last week. They had to stay three hours at the camp cleaning cause the other volunteers didn’t do anything.
After camp, MB’s mom dropped me off at Beeman’s house, one of Nifty’s friends, because Nifty was there waiting for his dad to pick him up. I didn’t want to wait for Nifty at his house because that’s always awkward. I sort of just sat around and watched them play video games and then when Beeman left for work his mom dropped us off at Nifty’s house. We basically just sat around doing nothing there, we sorta watched TV for a bit and then hid in his room because everyone was screaming and yelling and his four year old sister wouldn’t stop kicking me. I thought my sisters and I were bad, but holy shit. Nifty’s sisters are a completely different story. They fight all the time.
I really hate MSN. I’m sitting here blogging and minding my own business and this kid comes online and starts hitting on me then it turns from hitting on me to making fun of my boyfriend to then making fun of the way I walk because apparently I can’t walk, or at least not very well. People are so immature.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:11 pm |
Furious
I really don’t like being made a fool of - especially since I feel like a fool 99% of the time. The whole Matt B getting kicked out of Sunrise for smoking pot thing was a pratical joke apparently. Matt told JD today and she told me. Apparently they were going to wait until this weekend to tell me. Nifty knew about it - Dragon told him. I’m mad because he didn’t tell me when he knew I was really upset about it. He let me talk about how I was worried and scared about the upcoming weekend and what people were going to say to me, and didn’t tell me at all that it was a joke. He said Dragon made him promise not to tell me until at least Friday. I wasn’t even going to go to the camping trip, and I really don’t want to go now.
I feel like an idiot because I’m gullible and believe what people say to me. Whenever I do doubt what someone says, it’s always in the wrong situation. So basically I believe the liars and I don’t believe the ones that are telling the truth.
I really don’t wanna go to this weekend.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:58 pm |
The Party and Such
I had another bad day. Thanks to my tired/sore/I-don’t-even-know-anymore legs, JD and just shear tiredness. JD and I got into an argument because she’s annoyed at me for talking about Nifty and stuff with Nifty. I was just trying to tell somebody about my weekend. My own family didn’t ask me, and my mom just talked nonstop about work when I was around her. Dad was the only one who wanted to know what I did - but he was probably just asking to ensure that his darling little daughter wasn’t violated. Trust me, there was no violation of his darling daughter because I barely even saw Nifty as he was working all weekend.
Anyway, I thought she would be the one person who wanted to hear it, but everytime I said something about Nifty she got all huffy and annoyed looking. Plus she wasn’t doing anything in History - she wasn’t taking any notes or paying attention at all. She was just listening to her new iPod Nano - which she wouldn’t even let me look at. I’m worried about her marks, not to mention she doesn’t see the point in doing the Friday Game - which is a game we play every Friday in History. It’s fun and it really helps you remember the material. I guess it’s none of my business though, we just won’t even win the chocolate bars as a price and everyone will consider the Mad Monks lazy slackers. But yeah, I’ve decided to not talk about anything to anyone anymore. They just get annoyed with me. JD’s glad I’m “happy” and all, but yeah. Guess you can’t share happiness with anyone.
But it’s time to talk about more exciting things - Nifty’s dad’s party. On Friday night, I went to his house because I didn’t have a ride down on Saturday. It was a pretty fun night, we fell asleep watching a movie and at 7 he left for work. I drove with his parents, sisters and one of his sister’s friend to the Armry and helped set up for the party. By the time Nifty got off work and arrived, there was already so many people there, and more arrived. By the time everyone got there, there was about 50 people in one place - all related in some way or all of them had known Nifty since birth. Awkward much? I even had a few quiet panic attacks because I don’t do so good in those kind of situations - you know, meeting a hundred new people in one day. You should have seen me on the first day of grade 7. Not a pretty sight. Luckily I was able to hide it pretty damn well. Everyone else was too drunk to notice anyway. Nifty noticed and we went for a walk until I relaxed again. I’m such a dope.
When we came back it was present time. Nifty’s dad gave a beautiful a speech after blowing out the candles and it was really touching. It included everyone in the room, which was nice. He said it was the first time ever all eight of his kids had been in the same room together. I also met Nifty’s great nephew and a lot of his other nephews and nieces. He doesn’t have any cousins - just a shitload of nephews and nieces. Some of them are even older then him, which is pretty cool. I thought we had a big extended family - hah.
After the party, nine of us took a train and then taxi back to Nifty’s house because we all wouldn’t fit in the van. It was my first time ever taking a train and a taxi. I didn’t like the train at all - it kept rocking back and forth and was really bumpy. Several times that Grey’s Anatomy episode came to mind - the one about the train crash where two people from different ends of the train ended up impaled to a pole together. The taxi ride wasn’t so bad. I sat in the back with one of Nifty’s nephews, his 13 year old sister and his four year old sister sleeping on my lap. It was so cute, she just curled right up to me. I was a little nervous just before we got to Nifty’s house because the four year old is pretty heavy when she’s sleeping and I didn’t think I could lift her out but Jillian took her from me so I didn’t have to worry about it.
There was a mini after party going on so Nifty, his nephew and I hid out in Nifty’s room and played video games. Well, they played video games and I read. Nifty also had to work the next morning but he made me promise to stay until five and then afterwards he would take me out to dinner and we could hang out. So I did wait, for nine hours. I went back to sleep after he left and woke up at 11. Nifty’s older brother, his girlfriend, and his other older sister were also there but left shortly after Nifty went to work. Nifty’s nine year old sister and I watched High School Musical.
Throughout the day, I endured the four year old jumping on me, which isn’t so bad because she doesn’t weigh a lot but after a while it got a little annoying. I didn’t want to yell at her because that’s not very nice, she’s only four. Nifty’s mom gave me permission to slap her bottom but I didn’t want to do that either haha. After High School Musical we watched Last Holiday and then Snow Day - twenty minutes into Snow Day, Nifty came home. He told me that his dad wanted to drop me off at home basically then because he was headed out my way for cheap smokes or something, but he could stay at my house until his dad was finished with his business in town. We sat at my house watching Cold Case for the hour, and it was pretty sucky cause it was my house and at my house we have to sit on different sides of the couch. But tomorrow we’re going on a double date with Beeman and his girlfriend - or at least that’s what Nifty said. So that’s something to look forward to, Beeman and his girlfriend are pretty cool - plus I’ll get to hang out with Nifty, which is always fun.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I’m just so sick of the whole high school scene. When I’m with Nifty and his friends theres hardly ever any drama - or at least none that I know of. Nifty says in his school there isn’t really any drama anyway. I wish my school was like that. I’m sick of the drifting too. So many friendships feel like they are slipping away and I don’t know how I’m supposed to get them back. Or if the other party even wants to remain friends. It’s a touchy subject to bring up because obviously if you’re being exluded the person/people who are doing the excluding aren’t going to own up to not liking you anymore. I can’t wait for high school to be over with for good.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:49 pm |
Let Down. Again.
I’ve gotta stop trusting people, especially my friends. You think you know someone, you really do, then they just have to turn around and prove you wrong.
I’m talking about my friend MB. I honestly thought he’d do good at Sunrise - yeah, I thought maybe he’d be a little shy at first but who isn’t? I went over what to do - which is stay with the members at all times - and what not to do - which is DON’T get high or drunk while “on duty”. He didn’t hang out with the members and he did get high - and got caught and sent home. I thought I knew MB better then that, I honestly didn’t believe for one minute that he’d get high while at this camp. I put my trust in him as a friend. I trusted him with the members who are all very important to me and he blew it big time. Not to mention, NB’s mad at me for referring him and according to D she was going to call me to tell me not to refer people anymore. So now I’m fucking pissed off because it’s affecting their trust in me as well.
MB says he’s sorry and he regrets it but what’s done is done. Fuck that, it shouldn’t have been “done” in the first place! I thought he understood that while in charge of people with developmental problems that you have to stay sober - by law! It really sucks, because now I can’t trust any of my friends to see how wonderful Sunrise is because when I thought I knew someone, it turned out I was wrong. Even if I did, I wouldn’t trust my trust - neither would NB or anyone else.
I’ll blog about how Nifty’s dad’s party went tomorrow, when I hopefully won’t be as pissed off as I am now.
Posted by Sarcastica @
9:00 pm |
High School. Can’t Hate it, Can’t Love it.
Well today was interesting, it appears certain relationships are deteriorating right before me. Last year I was super tight with Kyla and Caitlin, and this year it just feels different. Like when I’m around them I sorta get the impression that I’m not wanted, I feel like theres this barrier keeping me seperated from them. They’ve sort of changed - not saying I haven’t changed or anything because I know I have. I just really miss hanging out with them, but everytime I try to it’s awkward. And they constantly make fun of Nifty’s “emo” hair because the one time they met him he was really shy and doing what he does when he meets people for the first time - which is hide behind his hair. I used to do it too.
Their constant referrals to my “12 year old boyfriend” really grits on my patience. Nifty is 6 months younger then me, not a day more. Had we been born in different months and during the same year it wouldn’t matter but because we were born in different years they keep making fun of me for “cradle robbing.” The age thing doesn’t matter to Nifty or I, or anyone else for that matter so why does it have to matter to them? It just sucks because I don’t feel that same closeness I did with them that I did last year. I’m left out of their circle, and basically their lives. Occasionally they’ll invite me to the mall or to a party but I lately because of my financial situation I haven’t been doing anything that may or may not cost money - drinking and shopping are two things that definitely cost money.
So I felt the effects of those deteriorating relationships today, plus I made someone cry. I didn’t intend to make this person cry, but that’s how it happened. Some people just can’t take a joke, or not having full attention focused on them for that matter.
I have English with a bunch of pretty cool people. Holena isn’t usually one of them because theres always something wrong in her life - or so she says. For the four years I’ve known her, I’ve come to the conclusion that she deeply exaggerates everything just to get attention. Today, she was being a super bitch to Twitch - who just happened to be the unlucky guy that got landed with her as a partner for an assignment we were doing in pairs. She kept bitching at him and Twitch asked if she was having a bad day. She said yes as if it was the worst thing in the world being Holena. She kept giving attitude so I turned around and told her that her attitude and constant bitching was distracting me and beginning to get annoying. I had a hell of a lot more things to say then that - like how we all have bad days Princess, just suck it up and stop complaining - but I didn’t. I even spoke in a sarcastic, joking tone to lower the blow. She got up and left the room, crying.
While she was gone, we were discussing her overreaction of basically everything. Trust me people, if you knew the girl then you’d know what we were getting sick of. For one, she tells everyone how cruel and abusive her mom is then turns around and defends her when I say that it isn’t right and her mom’s crazy. Um, ok? Bipolar much?
Josh just happened to pull a book out for the shelf called Psycho Therapy. We all started giggling and David put it on her desk as a joke. When she came back and sat down, she saw the book. She wanted to know who put it there but Twitch wouldn’t tell her so she got up and went into the hallway to cry again. I know it was harsh, but we all knew that she was crying for attention, not underlying problems. As soon as she left she had her friend come in and get her books and she had everyone in the hallway (Chelsee, Kiley, JD…) all feeling sorry for her - until they heard what actually happened.
Since the first day I met her, Holena has been an attention seeking cry baby to say the least. I remember one day in Art class she bravely took out a bottle of pills and made sure that everyone had seen them and asked what they were. She told us she had to take Iron pills because her Iron was low. Then she went and told the Art teacher about it and how she desperately needed to take a walk just because of it. At that very time, I was also on Iron pills from my previous surgery having lost a lot of blood. You’re supposed to take them at meals, and having low Iron means that you’re tired. Going on walks that last the full period doesn’t help with it at all, it uses up more of your energy. I took my pills at home, and didn’t announce to the world I was on them.
Anyway, I don’t really feel bad. In my opinion, I didn’t do anything wrong. She was chewing Twitch out for no reason and taking her problems out on him. She does this everyday, and it’s annoying. I dislike people who expect others to ignore their bitchy attitudes just because they’re having a bad day. Holena didn’t apologize to Twitch about how she was acting, she tried to justify her rudeness with the fact that she was having a bad day. The last week for me has been a bunch of bad days and I don’t take things out on people. Holena has absolutely no back bone, and her attention seeking habits have finally pushed most of us over the edge. Everyone has to deal with Holena’s problems. So, we thought Psycho Therapy would be a good read for her.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:51 pm |
Why Would You?
My sisters are easily amused by the shows on MTV, such as Room Raiders. It’s a show that I honestly don’t understand the concept of. It’s basically a dating show, except what happens is that the guy will go through three girls room and then pick one of them to go out with. Um, what? How can you possibly decide on who you want to be with by going through their stuff? These relationships obviously aren’t built to last, and the show’s so fake too.
Another show they like is Next, a show where eight or so people line up to date this one chick or guy. It’s also one of those blind date shows. The person has like thirty minutes to capture the girl or guy’s interest, and if they don’t then they’re nexted. Which means they get sent back to the van and take home a dollar for every minute they lasted. How can you get to know someone in thirty minutes? First impressions are hardly ever right. But why would people in their right minds want to be in these shows?
Then there’s the lovely Laguna Beach. Anyone see this show? It’s a waste of television time. I don’t understand how my sisters could watch it. The drama seems so fake, and if it isn’t these people have a lot of issues. What ever happened to good TV? Too bad the good shows only run once a week or really late. In my opinion, teens aren’t seeing enough “positive” TV. I don’t mean they should watch educational programs about the history of war or something, but CSI, Law and Order and Medium are all shows that have you thinking throughout them. Laguna Beach is a show that leaves you confused as shit as you try to figure out who hooked up with who.
That’s why I hardly ever watch TV.
And I currently feel very boring. It’s come to my attention that not only am I an angry person, but I’m a boring person. I have nothing to say. My life isn’t all that interesting. I blog about nothing and everything at the same time - it’s everything to me but it’s nothing to everyone else.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:01 pm |
When Will This End?
It’s come to my attention that I am a very angry person. There is actually a lot of pent up anger in me, that usually is let out in one huge burst. It’s not my fault if people push me to my limit. Family members have been around me all my life, they should know when not to test me. Particularly Josephine.
She has no respect what so ever for other people’s property. Every day, and I mean everyday for like a month now she has been using my very expensive Baby Phat perfume. I’m not an idiot, I know what my own perfume smells like. Not to mention she’s stupid enough to spray it in my room and then leave the door wide open when she knows I close it every day. I’ve told her too many times to count not to use it, and today I lost it because she never listens to me. She just helps herself to my stuff anyway. On those rare occasions she asks me for something, and if I say no then she still takes it anyway! So today I sort of blew up on her and she said “So what! You don’t ever use it!” No shit Sherlock! It’s expensive stuff! I don’t use it every day because it comes in a small bottle! It’s for special occasions, not every day use! I want it to last, especially since I can’t afford to buy a new bottle! Not to mention, it’s mine, not hers, I have a right to wear it when and where I want - she doesn’t. She has her own damn perfume that she never wears.
Rachael suggested hiding it. Why should I hide something that’s mine that I bought with my own money within my own room? Why can’t people just stay out of my room and out of my stuff? I’m clearly going to have to resort to doing that but I shouldn’t have to. Josephine should respect my things and me when I tell her to not use it, but she doesn’t. Or maybe I’ll just start using her room as my personal mall and take whatever I want whenever without asking and without respecting her answer. I already know that sisters usually take each others stuff without asking - but this is to a whole new extent. Taking everyday without asking after I’ve specifically asked her not to and explained why I didn’t want her taking it.
My parents aren’t going to help with the problem that is my horrible darling little sister. She’s so bloody rude to me, and Nifty too. Yesterday I went to his house and he dropped me off at home and walked me to the door because I wanted to give him the chocolate bar I bought for him with JD’s money. After getting it we went back into the laundry room for a goodbye kiss and Kate said that as soon as we were out of earshot, Josephine said “ew” in this really bitchy voice - directed to Nifty. She’s always been rude to him right to his face too, I don’t have time to go into detail. Plus she always listens in on our conversations and gives my parents a play by play of what we do, such as play fighting and pooh talks*. I’m going to start doing the same thing to her that she does to me, except I won’t be rude to Jay.
I honestly don’t care if she has “insecurities” like my mom’s always saying. We all do, she just needs to suck it up and stop taking it out on everyone. She also has to stop “proving” herself to the guys at our school. Her behaviour disgusts me, it really does. If she makes friends with a guy and talks to him every once in a while, she gives hugs. Yeah, hugs aren’t bad things…but the hugs she gives are intimate like, full torso hugs. The kind of hug where your entire body is pressed firmly against someone else. You know, pelvis to pelvis. Must I go on? She flirts constantly with every guy and all of my guy friends think they can get her to put out. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t want everyone thinking my sisters a slut. But they all think she is, and all my guy friends basically have bets to see how far they can get with her. She promotes this behaviour by acting the way she does.
I’m only saying this here because Kate and I have tried to talk to our mother about it but she doesn’t listen. We aren’t exaggerating. I wish I could film this, to prove what I’m saying is true. I’m sick of dealing with her shit and defending her. I’ve had enough. She’s going to get herself into serious trouble because she doesn’t know boundaries and can’t stop hitting on guys. One day, she’s going to hit on the wrong guy. I need some advice, or a Karen intervention. Maybe she’d listen to Karen, because she won’t listen to Kate, Shannon or I. We’ve all tried, we’ve come from different angles and tried any means possible to make her see that behaving the way she does with boys will give her a bad name and get her into trouble, and that her attitute isn’t suitable at all. She won’t change a thing, and it’s frustrating because I hate who she’s becoming more and more everyday.
On a slightly off note, I bought my semi tickets today and found out for sure that grade nines are aloud to go because we need the money. I almost handed the tickets back and asked for my money refunded. Josephine’s friends are 10 times worse then she is - not even kidding. And Josephine’s not easy to deal with on her own. I cringe to think of how semi is going to turn out with her and her little friends there. I really hope she doesn’t go, because my night will be ruined. It’s the last semi-formal dance I get to go to, I want it to be a fun night - not a horrible night.
*This pooh talk happened once, when Nifty and I were both purposely being immature. He said he didn’t feel well and I told him he could take a shit in my house if he wanted. He said “I’m not ready to take our relationship to that level yet”, and we laughed. It was a joke. It didn’t need to be repeated a couple weeks later when Josephine’s boyfriend was over at the dinner table.
Posted by Sarcastica @
1:31 pm |
Whats Wrong With Today…
I’ve got a question for all you experienced adults; if you know how you’re acting is wrong, and you’re completely aware of it, then how come you can’t do anything about it? Or at least I can’t do anything about it. I’m being selfish, I know, and stupid…I know, yet I still can’t stop myself from being selfish and stupid. I just know I’m going to ruin a good thing because I’m selfish and stupid. I try really hard to not be stupid or selfish, but I can never completely hide it. Afterwards I’ll think “damn, I should have handled it a different way,” but something will come up that’s basically the same thing and I’ll still handle it badly.
Let me explain; Nifty’s sick today. Tomorrow, he’s supposed to come over but he’s sick so I don’t know if he is. He wanted to go to bed early so he got off the phone with me, but I didn’t really bother hiding my disappointment. I haven’t seen him since Thursday and I’m feeling a little sulky about it. I know that we aren’t going to see each other often during the winter because my driveway will probably be snowed in, the roads will be really bad and I know both our parents won’t wanna drive - and Nifty probably won’t get his G2 by then because thats $500 he doesn’t have. I’m trying to defend myself when the truth of the matter is simple; I’m selfish.
Another thing on my mind is jobs. I asked Nifty today if Denny’s was hiring waitresses, and he said they always are but I couldn’t work there because you have to be 18 to serve booze, and its long hours and heavy lifting. What is with everybody telling me that I couldn’t do this or that? Why can’t they just let me try and figure it out? JD’s mom did it, my parents do it, and now my boyfriend’s doing it. How am I supposed to get a job if people keep shooting down every idea I have for one? I can’t even look into that babysitting program for people with special needs because my mom said she’d probably have to drive far and, yet again, I couldn’t physically do it. Yet everyone gripes on me for having no money. Kate wants me to pay her back. My parents get pissed when I need money. Yet I can’t get a job cause I’m not aloud to do anything that would hire a student.
But Desperate Housewives is on, so that should help calm me down. At least I’ll stop with the the angsty teenage crap, for today anyway.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:31 pm |
And Soon the Men in White Coats Will Come
I’m not crazy…at least I don’t think I am, but I am sick of these friggin’ “teenage hormones”. I’m worse then a pregnant woman with my mood swings! Well actually I’m only assuming I’m worse then a pregnant woman, I’ve never actually been around a pregnant woman, but my point is I can’t wait until I’m no longer a teenager. I can be perfectly happy one minute and the next be completely pissed off about something.
Right now I’m perfectly content. I’m at my grandparent’s house for the weekend. Had I stayed at home, I would be really pissed off. That’s just the how it is there though. I mostly get pissed off by Josephine, because she always thinks that she doesn’t have to listen to any voice of authority. I laugh whenever my parents go out and ‘leave me in charge’, it isn’t as if she’d listen to me anyway. Hell, if the house was on fire then she still wouldn’t listen to me as I tried to tell her to get out. She’d just send me that look like I’m too good to listen to you and roll her eyes.
But annnnnyway, back to how I’m here away from all the stress of trying not to blow up at people. I came over when she called my house this morning to talk. Papa was going to be out all day and she seemed a little lonely so I had mom drive me up so I could chill with her. We baked those frying pan ball things and I iced the cake she made, and the rest of this weekend is just going to be a relaxing weekend away from Jo - which I need.
I haven’t seen my grandparents since Thanksgiving, and its been so long since I last was here by myself. So I’m going to trott back upstairs and help Granny fix supper - or at least try to sneak food while she hits my hand away with a wooden spoon.
And on a side note, today is my two month aniversery with the boyfriend. He hasn’t gotten sick of me yet! And yes, there will probably be a little note every 4th of the month declaring that another month has gone by and he hasn’t gotten sick of me. Get used to it.
Posted by Sarcastica @
6:01 pm |
