Weekend Blues
I hate teenage hormones. They’re so out of wack it makes me sick. I can’t wait until I grow out of this shit, because it really pisses me off. I should be insanely happy but instead I’m really insecure about things. I don’t get it either, because Neil’s never given me a reason to be insecure about anything. But enough of that, I know nobody really wants to hear me bitch and complain.
This weekend was interesting to say the least. I made dinner on Friday and just sat at home reading. Early Saturday morning I went to Neil’s house and hung out with him until midnight (the only time I could get picked up). We were going to go to Rock Band Blitz but I had a headache and didn’t really want to go to a bar for a battle of the bands because they’re generally loud. Instead we went to his mom’s friend, Natalie’s birthday party and played pool - which I officaly suck at. Natalie’s husband - I think his name was Ted - is an interesting character. I’ve met him a few times before, and he’s always made things awkward by pointing things out. Last night it was “Hey, why’s Neil’s girlfriend walking weird? HAHAHA!” when I was walking to sit down. I guess it was cause he was drunk and not really thinking, but there’s point one for me. Next time my parents say adults won’t point things like that out, I can offically laugh in their faces and say I told you so.
I’m getting really sick of my “hobble”. I try really, really hard not to walk with a limp but no matter how hard I concentrate on it I still walk with a limp. I’ve noticed since my last surgery that its 10 times more harder to walk then it was before, I have to concentrate harder on it and I don’t know why. I am doing all my physio therapy stuff and it doesn’t seem to help with the fact that it’s harder to walk, and I don’t think another surgery will help because I can’t tell what’s causing the problem. No single extra bone on my legs is causing me a lot of pain, it’s just harder to walk and control movements. I’m sure if I got pulled over by the cops and if they asked me to walk in a straight line they’d think I was drunk or something, so it’s a good thing I’m not driving. Precise movements with my hands are difficult too. Maybe it’s all in my head though.
Ha - it’s funny that I didn’t want to bitch and complain in this post but ended up doing so anyway. But what can you do, at least I’ve let off some steam.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:32 am |
Of Wheelchair Men and College Mice
So last night was Screemers, and it was pretty good. Through the Black Hole I was literally walking backwards and had my head burried in Nifty’s chest - to me that one was the scariest because it was soo dark you literally walked into the people who were trying to scare you. The Asylum wasn’t as scary as last year but one chick was all up in my face and it really creeped me out - mostly because she had really bad breath and kept on screaming loudly. The Castle of Doom was pretty funny though - too keep from getting scared to the point of crying I tried to talk to the people who were scaring me. One guy came out of this door thing and was holding a fake head and I told him it was pretty. “You’re not,” he replied. It was funny but mean at the same time, probably because everyone agrees. Those were the only ones we got to go on because the lines were too long, although I really wanted to do the Carnival of Bad Dreams because everyone else said it was really good.
There was this guy dressed in full army style clothing with the camoflodged paint on everywhere and he was sitting in a wheelchair with a lot of life-like shot wounds “greeting” people at the enterance by staring at them and following them. It was pretty creepy but not nearly as creepy as the ones that jump out of you. Anyway, we were eating cotten candy at a table, he came over and tried to scare me but I could see it coming so I didn’t flinch or anything. Then he moved in on JD, because she was already cowering on me. He literally got out of his wheelchair and chased her around. She almost cried, it was pretty funny. I was mostly ticked because he jumped on the table and stepped on my cotten candy. I give him JD’s number, but I don’t think he took it down haha.
The bus ride home was really annoying. Michelle J kept saying “Tarzan and Jane!” (the ever so thoughtful nicknames that they’ve given Nifty and I) “Stop making out!” when we weren’t even kissing. It was just really annoying. They’re all so immature, I can’t wait for high school to be over. When we finally got back to McDonalds they wouldn’t even let us buy food, or else people who worked there would be suspended for some stupid reason.
Today I went to a local college for a tour. It was pretty fun, it took up most of the day and I ran into a few people I knew from other schools who were also on the tour. I really liked the college, and the fact that going on the tour got me out of peer helping. It was a much deserved break from Mrs. C and her stupidity.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:09 pm |
I Have..
…almost lost it. Peer Helping sucks, I really wish I could drop the course but I can’t leave poor Rachael on her own plus I’m pretty sure Mrs. C would hunt us down and kill us. I like her as a person but I hate the fact that she never lets us interact with students, as I mentioned previously.
Enough of that, I’m sick of thinking about it. Today I’ve been amusing myself with photoshop. It’s awesome, I’ve had it on my computer for over a year and before now I’ve barely touched it because I didn’t know how to use it. I’m almost pro now - well not really but I like the pictures I’ve recreated.
Tomorrow is Screamers! I’m so excited! I haven’t seen Nifty since Sunday and I really miss him lots. It’s pathetic how we can’t go a day without seeing each other or we both get all whiny and sad, but whatever it’s cool. I keep my mind off of how much I miss him by using photoshop. Soon I hope to join Karen on Troll Baby Graphics - well when she brings it back anyway. I just need to get used to all the programs.
Not to mention I’m pretty pumped for Semi-Formal. It’s on the 30th of November, and I was dreading finding out how much the tickets cost because last year it was nearly 50 bucks for them, and clearly I can’t afford that at the moment but it’s only $25.00 for a couple!!! I’m so going. I can’t wait, I’m borrowing a dress from Kyla and hopefully her mom or sister will do my hair for free. Then I can be Little Miss Inexpensive!
I know this is really pathetically said but that’s about all that’s going on in my life - except for the occasional sister problem - it’s just been me going to school and trying not to loose it on Mrs. C and me missing Nifty because I can’t see him and I’m a big baby about it. After tomorrow I’m sure I’ll have some funny things to share, because I’m an idiot when it comes to attending haunted houses and all that jazz. I’ll probably do something to embarrass myself, and I know how much you all enjoy hearing about my antics.
Posted by Sarcastica @
6:48 pm |
So This Is What They’re Teaching In Boy Scouts?
I know that I probably mentioned in an earlier post that I was going camping with SYG this weekend, and it proved to be a very interesting weekend.
Drop off was at 6pm on Friday except I sort of got there late thanks to Wendy’s lovely affect on me (I’ve decided to never eat fast food before I go camping ever again). I thought it was going to be a really awkward weekend because Dezaray was going to be there and I haven’t seen her since the weeklong camp in August, and I was entirely sure if we were really cool or if she was just saying that - but we are cool so that’s good. Meghan was there, and I thought we were getting along great but as soon as I went to bed she decided to start yet another conversation of volunteers she disliked. Nifty and I were both on the list. She said that Nifty was a bad volunteer and I was really annoying. Whatever. I’m not the one that runs up to everyone and hugs them and says “Hiiiiiiii Jessssss!” in this annoyingly high pitched voice.
What pissed me off about that was that most of the other volunteers agreed to both. In my opinion, Nifty was a good volunteer. We’re not all perfect and we all have different techinques, but I don’t think he did a shitty job at all. I am so sick of those conversations. No one is a “bad” volunteer.
There was a lot of drama this weekend - as usual. Dezaray was pissed off at one of her friends Ashley because Ashley was all of the guy Dezaray likes and never hanging out with any members. Ashley and Richy would always sneak off and leave us with the members. It was really annoying because there was a hell of a lot more members then volunteers and it was hard to keep up with them.
On Saturday night, Dezaray and a couple other volunteers took some members out for a walk. When they got back to the cabin they decided to just sit outside for a bit and hang out. No harm in that right? We were on our own site and not bothering anyone at all, but a group of Boy Scouts walked by and heard one of the members talking. They started laughing and one said “let’s throw shit at them”, and they all started throwing pinecones at our members. Ian (one of the volunteers there) got really pissed off at this and grabbed the kid who had the bright idea by his shirt collar and came so close to punching him out. Dezaray had to stop him but they both lectured the kid and then Ian had him apologize to every single one of our members outside at the time. Then their leader walked by and Dezaray tried to report it to the leader but he didn’t seem to care at all. He just said “Yeah yeah, I’ll talk to them” in this ‘whatever’ tone and completely dismissed us. Several of the members were in tears. We told them that those people didn’t matter and that we were their friends, but the whole situation still really upset them.
The next day, one of my favourite people at Sunrise was in such a hurry to get home. He was really upset and kept asking when his mom was coming to pick him up. I asked him why he was upset and he said “because of last night.” That whole thing is still pissing me off and it will for some time. We didn’t know which troop it was our we’d have reported it to Scouts Canada. It really blows my mind, I mean what are the teaching in Scouts? And how can someone be so cruel?
It upsets me because all of our members are really truly amazing, and they are the nicest people in the world and they don’t deserve that treatment at all.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:51 am |
Fed Up Fed X
As most of you know, this term I am peer helping a grade nine English class. I’m pretty sure that I’ve previously mentioned this, and the fact that I’m extremely frustrated with my “employer”, Mrs. C.
Mrs. C is a nice enough lady, and I’ve usually always gotten along with her – however she’s such a scatter brain and following her directions is always difficult. She doesn’t make any sense half the time and gives orders extremely fast. This leaves Rachael (the other peer helper) and I extremely confused with no idea where to start on what she wants us to do.
Since the first week of school, Rachael and I have felt that Mrs. C is taking advantage of our help. We barely ever get to interact with the students, and she almost always has us doing some stupid task that doesn’t involve the class at all. For the past three weeks for example, Rachael and I have found ourselves confined to the English office typing up a variety of different things.
I honestly don’t mind typing up the occasional thing, and even planning a lesson isn’t so bad – what I’m frustrated with is the lack of interaction with the students in the class. Peer helping has never been a breezy course, there are a thousand things that we are required to do as well as whatever the teacher wants. For instance, we’ve just been assigned an I.S.U where we have to pick one student and do a report on them. It’s difficult for us to pick a student because we’ve barely had any time to get to know them, and Rachael and I don’t even know how we’re supposed to meet the three required goals we have to make up for the student if we are constantly doing tiny tasks that Mrs. C could most certainly do on her own.
In my opinion, a peer helper is someone who helps the students in their class with seatwork and occasionally does the tasks that we are required to do every day, but helping the students always comes first. I signed up for peer helping because I wanted to get a taste of teaching, but I feel as though I’m a secretary or a personal assistant.
I really don’t know what to do; Mrs. C is slowly driving me crazy with her complicated instructions to small, easy tasks. Also, when I feel uncomfortable about something (such as marking a paper) and try to tell her, she completely ignores me and furthers my confusion by giving another handful of instructions on what I should be looking for to mark.
Not to mention, I’m stuck with her yet again next term for Parenting. I don’t know how I’m going to survive this year without ending up in a straight jacket.
Posted by Sarcastica @
3:47 pm |
Yearbooks
I don’t know why I insist on spending $40.00 on a yearbook each and every year, they rarely consist of any pictures of myself or my friends. Mostly the pages are full of the “popular” people - every year. It’s pathetic how it’s always the same people. It’s like the yearbook hasn’t changed on a yearly basis at all. However, I figured that I might as well anyway, because I might regret it down the road. Besides, I don’t look so horrible in the two pictures they have of me. Yeah, they have two pictures of me - one my regular grade class picture thing thats mandatory and the other is of me and this Sam girl.
I had physio tonight. My therapist is pleased with my progress - and it’s funny because I’m actually getting abs from the stomach exercises she’s making me do. So go me, soon my sisters won’t be able to call me a lazy fat ass - well maybe a lazy ass still because I rarely do anything. Hey, I have to conserve engery!
Speaking of engery, I’m not too sure I’m going to get the job at Subway. Perhaps it’s a good thing if I don’t, my mom pointed something out that I never thought about - at Subway your obviously making a lot of sandwiches, and you can’t just be on till. You have to do both at once. So yeah. I’m feeling pretty frustrated again because I can’t find a job I can do. Or that I’m aloud to try. I don’t think my dad wants me working in any place with a concrete floor because the cold seeps into my legs, but pretty much every place that hires teenagers has concrete floors so I’m pretty much screwed in that department.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:34 pm |
….actually it isn’t my speciality
My mom pointed out that during the fall the nights are very cold, damp, and usually rainy. She doesn’t want me working at the ghost tours because it will apparently be hard on my legs - and it will, as much as I hate admiting it. Dampness and cold weather has never been my friend. I’m just disappointed because it would be the perfect job for me, well not perfect but it would be a pretty fun job for the two weeks I would be working there.
I gave Lauren (this girl in my Math class) my resume so she could hand it into her work, hopefully tonight. I’m really hoping I get that job. I’ll make $7.75 an hour, which is more then I made a Wendy’s. Plus Subway shouldn’t be as busy because it isn’t on a highway. And after work on weekends I can take a bus to Nifty’s house, which is cool. I know I didn’t want to go back to fast food but I really need a job. I have cell phone bills to pay and I owe my mom a lot of money for driving me around and all that jazz. Even if I can’t physically do it, I’m going to have to suck it up and do it anyway because it hurts more not having any money.
In other news, last night JD and I went on a double date with Nifty and his friend Sean. JD and Sean have been chatting over MSN and apparently hit it off - I didn’t have anything to do with this. I had promised after a certain incident involving one of Neil’s friends Samurai Guy and Robyn, one of my friends, that I would never try and set our friends up again. It was horrible! Samurai Guy was very shy and slightly awkward because I don’t think he’s ever been on a date, and Robyn was “not her self”. She couldn’t even finish the date, she had one of her sisters call her cell phone and pretended that her dad was in a car accident and that she had to go home right away.
Anyway, that’s why I was a little wary about this double date - because of how the last one turned out - but it went pretty well. We went out to dinner at Jack Astors and then saw Man of the Year. JD had fun, and I think Sean had fun…which is cool.
I’m feeling a little down because I don’t know when I’ll get to see Nifty again. My mom isn’t used to working nights yet, so I can’t ask her to pick me up from Nifty’s on Wednesday because she usually sleeps until like 10 and then she works at 11, and this weekend I’m going camping with Sunrise so I won’t get to see him then although he wanted to take me out to dinner on Saturday. This really sucks. I need a job so I can start making money so I can take a bus when I can’t be driven.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:09 pm |
Scaring Little Kids Is My Speciality
My dad left for the Biketober fest early this morning. I vaguely remember saying to drive safely and have an awesome time when he came into my room to kiss me goodbye. I was still sleeping, so I probably ended up sounding really weird. I think I was even trying to talk to him after he had closed my door, haha. Anyway, I’m hoping he has an awesome time. He really enjoys riding his Harley and he deserves a little get away time every now and then.
My mom’s starting a new job tonight at Tim Hortons. She’s not excited about it at all. Neither am I really. I was thinking about this last night; but if she works nights then I’m going to have a hell of a job finding a job. I was going to apply at the Subway in town, but with mom working nights…I don’t know. I really need a job though.
Plus, now that she’s working, I don’t know how Nifty and I are going to see each other. Both our parents that do the driving will be working nights. This is why I should have gone for my G1 ages ago, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about if I had it. Then I could drive myself.
Anyway, last night was pretty intense. Nifty came over for the day, and we watched Forrest Gump and The Patriot, and of course ate mozzarella sticks. I love mozzarella sticks. Anyway, it was pretty fun. I knew I had missed him but I didn’t know how much. He makes me laugh, but he knows when to be serious so that’s good.
One of my friends, Matt B, just told me about a job at a local fearfest thing. I can scare the crap out of people and get paid 5 bucks an hour…I won’t be doing much, because according to Karen I have a nack for making people crap their pants. I’m going to see if I can go talk to this Rob guy in a couple hours. Wouldn’t that just be a dream job for me? I’d have fun with it.
Posted by Sarcastica @
1:40 pm |
Always Here
I hate feeling guilty for stuff that wasn’t really my fault. Last night, yet another arguement broke out between Kate, Josephine and I. I can’t even remember how it got started, it was just that trival. Probably over the internet jacks or something. Mom had been using her work computer and I was using the house computer line on my laptop, and when she went out for the evening I forgot to put everything back to normal so it would be all hunky day when Josephine got home. I did a quick switch-a-roo before I went to bed. Of course, Josephine was online and was being a bitch and wouldn’t sign off. I was already under the table putting weight on my weird feeling leg (I still don’t have all the feeling back in it and leaning on it feels weird and kind of painful) so I just did it and it obviously kicked her offline. I had warned her that if she didn’t hurry up and tell her little friends she would be right back, then I would do that but she kept telling me to wait. Well excuse me, but waiting hurts. I can’t put my full weight on my knee, because it hurts. Josephine doesn’t seem to ever understand that.
Then she started calling me a dyke and Kathrynn stuck up for me. Kathrynn chose that moment to repeat my concerns I shared with her to Josephine, in turn pissing Josephine off and making her call our parents. It seems like whenever they go out and we get into a fight, someone always drags them into it. Usually it’s Josephine. I used to do it, but not anymore because I’ve realized that the reason my parents go out is to escape the drama so calling them to bitch and moan about things isn’t very thoughtful.
Kathrynn got really pissed off and said something really hurtful, that she definately didn’t mean but Josephine took it to heart anyway. She said that she wouldn’t count Josephine as our sister. Part of Josephine’s attitude problem is that she feels seperated from us as a sister. No matter what I do to try and convince her this isn’t true and that we do love her, she just has it in her head that she can’t come to us.
It’s probably more then likely because of the things we say in the heat in the battle. When your pissed off and fighting with sibblings, you am to burn. After the words come out though, and you see the look on one of their faces, you instantly regret it. I know this and that’s why I don’t hold grudges against my sisters. Shit happens, people say things they don’t mean. I know that if I ever had a problem they would be there for me, each in their own ways.
I don’t know how to get through to Josephine. I don’t know how to let her see that her attitude and the way she treats people is wrong. I can’t seem to explain to her that how she’s acting at school is bad. It’s like she’s seeking attention from people at school that she doesn’t think she’s getting at home but if she were to open her eyes then maybe she’d see that we are here and that’s why we “pick” on her.
Hell, it’s happened to me before too. Both Shannon and Kathrynn planned an intervention because they thought I was depressed, and the stuff they said hurt me but opened up my ears and I changed because of it, but Josephine is almost a lost cause because she can’t see and won’t see.
After the fight, I wrote her a letter. I hope it helps her in the future. I just told her that despite fights and hurtful things said in the heat of the moment, she would always have us and that we would always be here.
Posted by Sarcastica @
9:46 am |
Happy Friday the 13th!
I decided to not go to Chelsee’s huge birthday bash, for a number of reasons. For one, it’s no longer at her house - it’s at a hotel because her parents decided she couldn’t have it any more. I also don’t have any money so why should I go to a drinking party if I’m not going to drink? Besides, I’m not in the mood to get drunk anyway. I can have a good time sober, which is shocking coming from a seventeen year old, I know. Most people my age are all about the going to wild parties and getting drunk scene - me not so much anymore. I’m not going to be all anal and straight edge or anything but I don’t like drinking just cause everyone else is. I’ll only drink if I want to, and tonight I don’t want to. End of story.
So instead I’m going to do something I should have done ages ago, and that’s study for my G1. That’s right everyone, I’m finally going to bite the bullet and write my test within the next week or so. I wanted to go with JD and write it this weekend, but my Dad said to wait until he got back from his vacation for some reason, but that just gives me more time. I’m so excited to get it over with and start driving! Then within a year I’ll be able to drive wherever I want to, and I won’t have to rely on my parents. Besides, it’s pretty lame having your parents drive you around on dates. I can deal with it now though, because they don’t actually go on the dates with us they just drop us off but still, I should have already had my licence by now. It’s actually really pathetically sad that I have been procrastinating for almost a year now, but no more putting it off everyone! I’m going to be a new driver soon!
I bet everyone is wondering why I’m suddenly hell bent on getting it. It’s actually really simple; I’ve been thinking about my future. I don’t want to be so dependent on my parents anymore, and getting a licence will give me freedom. I know this probably should have occured to me sooner, but I thought I had all the time in the world. I’m in grade twelve now and I need to make a lot of discussions fast about what I’m going to do with my life after high school. I need to get a job like really soon so I can start putting away money for an appartment, because I want to start my life like right away. I’m planning on taking a two year course for a support worker at a local college, but I’m not sure if I’m phsyically capable of doing all aspects of that job. We’ll see how my co-op goes next term.
I’m also looking forward to tomorrow, Nifty’s planning on coming down for the day and we’re just going to hang out at my house. Or perhaps go out somewhere, but probably not. I miss him a lot, so seeing him will be awesome. Even just talking to him on the phone or on MSN makes my day, he always says the sweetest things…but I’ll stop gushing now and start studying for my G1 (so I can actually pass the test and eventually get my G2 which will allow me to see Nifty more then I do…and go shopping more often.)
Posted by Sarcastica @
3:45 pm |
