Hearing Things
September 21, 2006
Last night I went to Nifty’s house for his nine year old sister’s birthday party. I went with his sisters and mom and him to the mall so Olivia (his sister) could get her ears pierced. We had to take his three year old sister out of the store because she kept crying and we got a lot of dirty looks from this old guy - who probably thought she was ours or something. After Olivia got her ears pierced we went to McDonalds for dinner. Then we went to Blockbusters to rent a movie, and Nifty picked out The Hills Have Eyes. I had already seen it, but we watched it again anyway.
While we were all walking to the mall, I asked Nifty why he kept grinning. He said that he thought I said something that made him happy. At first he wouldn’t tell me what he thought I said, but then he said that it made him happy because he was positive he felt the same way. Finally he told me he thought he heard me say I loved him, and then he added “and if you didn’t say that I just feel like an idiot”.
So now I’m very confused. Even if I do actually feel that way (which I’m not sure of), then I wouldn’t tell him because I don’t say those words easily. But he told me he has fallen for me. I don’t want to be all negative or anything and say he’s a liar because I don’t think he is…hense my confusion. I know that there are some [rare] cases at the supposive ‘love at first sight‘ thing, but that could just be a fairy tale. I know him well enough to tell when he’s lying and telling the truth. But perhaps he just doesn’t know what love is. I don’t know what love is, and few adults don’t know what love actually is. I do really like him a lot, but I’m not sure if I can freely say those words yet. I love spending time with him and with him I can be myself. I love it how he’s mature for his age yet he can be immature at times. He always makes me smile, even if I’m in a really bad mood. And he makes me laugh more then Robyn and Kyla do, which is really saying something.
But I don’t want to jinx things. I like him a lot, and he likes me a lot. That’s enough for now..we don’t have to label anything. Right? I dunno.
Tonight is the first night I’m going to spend in a long time at home by myself. Usually I work or am with Nifty, because I like being with him. We can do anything at all and still have a lot of fun and he never has to be high or drunk to enjoy spending time with me. He doesn’t even get high or drink, which is pretty cool. So I’m going to just clean up my room and catch up on some homework.
September 22nd, 2006 at 7:25 pm
Sounds like a good kid.
September 24th, 2006 at 4:31 pm
I knew he’d eventually find you, and it sounds like he did. I’m happy for you.