Great - now I’m confused again.
April 30, 2006
We all knew that would happen soon, I mean I get confused so easily by people’s actions. I’m the kind of person who subconsiously over analyzes everything, I don’t even mean too. I try not to, but I always end up doing it.
Last night, I signed on to my old hotmail to check my email. My sister had sent me something and it wasn’t to any of my other addresses, so I checked that one. So many people had added me, and there was like 25 emails in my inbox. One of the people that added me was Andy. Uh, that’s shocking. I never talk to him, except for the other day. So one time. We talked for a bit, and I’m confused further more by everything. There was a few flirting emotions and when he said bye he added a flower to it. I don’t think he’s the kind of guy to put flowers after saying goodbye. I know it’s not a big idea, but to have someone I sorta like add me on MSN out of the blue and send a lot of flirty winks, well that eats away at my mind. It was my old account, so obviously he didn’t ask me or a close friend for it. So he must have gotten it from a friend of a friend. The nagging question is WHY.
I’m trying to go by the “whatever happens, happens” motto, but it’s proving to be harder then I thought. Why is it so difficult to block certain thoughts? I also really don’t want to get my hopes up, because nothing will happen. He probably added me by a fluke or something…or to get Kathrynn’s email. He went out with her in like grade eight, so that sucks too. But he seems sweet enough, although Kathrynn warned me he smokes weed. Who doesn’t? Our school is like made of druggies.
I’m going to try to not think about it, because I always feel like I’ll jinx it. Besides, if I don’t think about it then I can’t get my hopes up and when nothing happens I can’t feel disappointed. Also, I’m going to the hospital pretty soon again and I would feel weird. Last time, I was dating someone who told me that they’d have to break up with me before I went to the hospital because they just “couldn’t deal with it”, and Kathrynn says all guys are the same way. It’s better to be alone anyway.
May 2nd, 2006 at 4:11 pm
No, not all guys are like that (I shouldn’t have to say this again).
Jess, relax and enjoy being young (within reason, of course); you only get one shot at it, and there’s plenty of time to worry about crap when you’re out of high school.
Stay away from potheads. Trust me on this.