Urrg
March 25, 2006
Yes, that’s today’s title. That’s how I feel. I’ve decided to go off the pain killers, I think they were making me sick everyday. So now I’m in pain. And I’m cranky. I also think I have a fever.
Anyway, I made my dad angry. I told him how I felt about the whole laptop deal. I’m really nervous, I had bad dreams about it all night. At first I couldn’t even get to sleep because of it. He got mad, which was understandable but he can’t see it from my point of view. I mean, when you stand out for all the wrong reasons, the one thing you really want is to just blend in. To bring a laptop to school would make all those reasons why I don’t blend in stand out more. My dad said that “I’m sixteen and shouldn’t care what other people think of me”, ok, he can say that because he doesn’t know what it’s like. Let’s say I didn’t have MHE, then I wouldn’t care because there would technically be nothing wrong with me. If I wanted to bring a laptop to school, I wouldn’t care because there wouldn’t be an actual reason, other then I wanted too. (I know Charred is probably going chew me out for this, but it’s how I feel…).
My mom said that I could use the laptop for the time being and then when I can write again, I won’t have to take it too school. It’s better then my old one which I use for writing stories..so I don’t know. I can’t remember the reason why I got one in the first place.
My mom’s kinda stressing out, she isn’t feeling too good and Dad’s having some people over, so she’s trying to clean the house. Both Kathrynn and Josephine left and “the useless one” remains.
March 26th, 2006 at 6:38 am
While “we adults” (to coin a phrase) sometimes have difficulty remembering what it’s like to be a kid, your Dad still understands more than you’d believe; it’s his job to help shape your attitudes and outlooks, and that can sometimes make us Dads appear less sympathetic than we truly are.
Were I to hazard a guess, I’d say your Dad is less angry with you than he is unhappy that he can’t protect his little girl from her problems. This is a hard thing for us Daddies to deal with.
So, I take it that having a laptop in your school is the social equivalent to riding the short bus?
I would have done almost anything to have a laptop of my own at your age.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling a certain way, they’re neither right nor wrong–they just are; right and wrong enter the picture when we decide what to do because of how we feel.
You’re not useless.