memoirs of a dumb shit
Sorry guys, its the best I could come up with for a title at the moment… it will have to do. I had a giggle over it (but thats because I’m reading Memoirs of a Geisha and thinking that the managers at Tim Hortons could write a book about all the dumb stuff they do).
It’s offical, I no longer work at the East bound Travel Centre. Kathrynn and I went there after school to hand in our uniforms and give them the letter our mother wrote bitching at them. Then I went into the gas station to say my goodbyes to the guys there, because I will miss them way more then most of the people at Timmies. Craig and Bryan were working, and when I walked up to them Craig said to Bryan “Doesn’t her hair look nice?” Haha. I’m going to miss them though, *sigh* if only Darrel wasn’t such a dumb twatfaced failure.
Anywho, school was crappy - as usual. JD was upset, with good cause, so I spent all day trying to think of a successful way to cheer her up, but Bryce seems to be better at it then I am. The only thing I can do is make her feel like normal by “insulting” her. (I consider it to be a dissing game, she got me good today. I told Devon and Adam that I was going to live off my looks, and she said “oh, you won’t be making a lot of money then”. Yep, every once in a while she comes up with a good one. I’ll get her back though, it’s a never ending circle.)
As much as I appericate you all wanting to help me out in math, I doubt it’s going to work 
I don’t get it with a teacher standing right in front of me pracitcally pointing out the answer. I tried to get help online once but I ended up more confused, because I couldn’t even explain what unit I was doing. Right now we did “Geometric Sequences”, and I don’t get that either. My problems in math started back in sixth grade, and basically I haven’t understood a single unit since then.
Charred was right about, well everything haha. But trust me, I don’t just like Devon because of “physical” reasons, yeah he’s cute…but, well its difficult to explain. He’s been a major part of my life for several years now, and in his own way he’s always been there. It doesn’t make him an asshole if he doesn’t like me in that way (he’s an asshole for different reasons, haha), because I know he really cares about me as a friend. It just kinda sucks is all. I should be finished complaining about it when the next hot guy comes around, haha.
I’m kinda mad at my cousin Karen because she’s been ignoring me, haha. Karen you big jerk, don’t you love me anymore? I need some old people advice (that was a joke, to anger you slightly into dissing me back..cause then you’ll talk to me haha). I guess I’m just too much of a loser for her. Well Karen, I’m not really mad at you, I’m just sad that you don’t love me anymore. Is it because Papa says more things to me online? That’s probably it, haha.
Baah, I’ve got so much homework to do. I have a huge Psycology project due on Friday and my partner and I only have the surveys done. We don’t have them graphed out yet or the written report even started, and I’ve got to get perfect on this because I’ve really got to get into that Writers Craft course. Not to mention, I have tons of math homework that I’m far behind in (and won’t get done, not only because I don’t understand the subject but because I forgot my binder at school) and I have a power point presentation due on Thursday in Com tech that I don’t think JD and I are near finished (my fault, I was supposed to do the written part of it today but I had to finish my Anthro homework or risk staying in for lunch to do it. I like my lunch hour, and notice that I always do the written part? I like written parts). So I best get off to do all those things (except for math as I don’t have the stuff here).
Posted by Sarcastica @
6:07 pm |
one week
This is a bad picture of me, taken a few minutes ago.
All day I felt like crap, which is my own fault I suppose for not going to bed until eleven after not sleeping at all the night before. So I struggled through the morning, just wanting to crawl up and sleep somewhere. However, I couldn’t, because no one was comfy enough and Devon wouldn’t sit down.
When I got home after school, Jo told me that my OT called to report that the lap top she requested I get was coming in tomorrow. Oh joy, I get to carry around a fifty year old lap top that probably weighs more then I do while everyone points and laugh, I can’t wait.
I’m so lost in Math it’s not even funny. My teacher was sick for a few days, so I didn’t bother going down to resource to get help. When he came back, I decided to catch up on everything and went down to resource. However I waited twenty minutes for someone to help me, and no one did. So I could have stayed in class and got some off it done but instead I went down to resource, got bitched at by one of the teachers for apparently talking to Blake, and got no help. So I’m a little more then pissed right now. I’ve got tons of homework to do and no clue how to do it, I can’t ask for help at home because my parents don’t get it either. I’m expecting to get bitched at tomorrow by Mr. P for not “ever” finishing my homework. I’ve already explained to him that I don’t get this crap, and that no one in my house does, but he says I could at least “try”. Ok, but I can’t try if I don’t even know where to start.
Anyway, I think JD and I are planning to go to the movies on Saturday. Bryce is going, and she invited Devon today. When she was talking to him, he said that he would try to make it but didn’t want to make any promises because he had a lot of stuff to do and never any time to do it. JD said “I understand” and apparently Devon said something about me always getting pissed off at him if he can’t make it to events. Um, for one thing, I don’t get mad, I get disapointed and shield it with frostiness or bitchiness. Secondly, I usually do believe he has to work because he does own his own business or whatever, so obviously I’m aware that he needs to work to keep it going. He told me all about his troubles having to manage it, so I know very well. I asked JD if that meant for me to invite someone else, and she said basically. The problem is that there is no one else I’d want to hang out with. This is the pattern I suppose I fall into: if there is no one for me to like or go after/be with, I go to Devon. It’s not like he’s backup or anything, its just that theres no one else capturing my attention and he is *supposed to be my friend.
A week from today I will be at the hospital, probably just waking up from surgery. Or sleeping off the grogginess. I told Devon about it today, bet he won’t even miss me, or call me to see how I’m doing or anything. He won’t even care. How’d I get that impression? When I told him, he kinda laughed and told me I sucked. JD says maybe he’s masking his feelings too, like my “real” reasons for always being pissed at him. But I really don’t know anymore. I’m not expecting him to show up on Saturday, because he practically said that he wouldn’t. And I’m definatly not expecting him to call me or be worried or even care about me, because thats just too much to ask.
I know that I’ll probably get told he’s not worth it, and that he’s an asshole…but… I fall into this pattern daily. It’s like that saying, you want what you can’t have.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:28 pm |
what a night…
We only saw about twenty minutes of the concret. Kathrynn took forever to get ready, then Shannon and Jackie had to eat something before we left. So, while they were cooking, Shannon kept telling me to “have another drink” and I did. And did. Then, when Kathrynn’s sorta-kinda-boyfriend showed up, we all left for the bar. I can barely remember anything, except that this guy winked at me and licked his lips - but I might have been imagining it. I wanted to go in the mosh pit, but I knew I would come out worse for wear. One guy was bleeding from the mouth. I saw Craig…he was there with his girlfriend. I gave him a hug - I think.
Towards the end of the concret, I went to the washroom with Jackie and Shannon. There was some girl puking in one of the stalls and they wouldn’t leave her alone. I think they were drunk, they kept getting her water and trying to find out where her friends were. Then I saw my peer helper from back in grade nine Science, Lindsay, and she was drunk as a skunk too, but she was puking girls friend so we left them to their business. Finally, the concret was over and Jackie tried to make me talk to the guy who plays bass, Kyle, because I think he’s hot but I didn’t want to because he has no idea who I am. So after I dragged her away and we went to the car so we could drive back to Shannon’s house (Kathrynn was driving), a few guys were talking about how their nose hairs were frozen. “Mine too!” I shouted (I think), and Jackie said “Mine three!” then, after they said something back, she yelled “Lick it!” and we got into the car and drove away lol. Jackie’s really cool, she’s one of Shannon’s friends - the one that offered my dad a party smoke. It’s kinda ironic actually, I asked Shannon if I could invite a few friends over because I wasn’t to sure I would fit in with her crowd, and she said yes so I told Adam, Kyla, Rob and Caitlin to all come over, and Kyla knows Jackie because Jackie’s friends with Kyla’s older sister as well. Strange how things work out.
So, a few more coolers and shots later, we all (being my friends and I) migrated upstairs after a rather awkward inncident. We had tons of fun up there, Adam was actually having a good time and not mad at us for drinking, and he was very amused by the “sexy crawl” Kyla and I did. Kyla might have been sexy doing it, but I’m sure I looked like an idiot, which made it all the more fun.
However, I really wish that Devon had been there. I know he’s an asshole in all, but he always looks out for me at parties, and I could have used him there when I was feeling uncomfortable talking to someone who was a little to close in my personal bubble if you know what I mean. But big surprise, he wasn’t there. Luckily Kyla and Caitlin got me away and upstairs… I was too polite to get up and leave, after all, he was one of Shannon’s friends…
I wish JD had gone too. I’m sure she would have had fun, yeah so if she didn’t like the concret the after party was fricking fun. I know she would have had fun.
I went to bed around four, maybe five. I stole Shannon’s huge comfy bed, and Caitlin and Rob did too. Rob had to be at work for seven, which really must have sucked ass. I bet he’s having one hell of a day. This morning, I wasn’t suffering majorly at all. I have a bump on the back of my head, and my legs and arms kill me from all the crawling around and joking around I did last night with my friends, but all was good. Jackie drove Kyla, Adam and Caitlin home around eleven and the remaining people put in The Devil’s Rejects for lack of anything else to do. It was good, I liked it. Very twisted and weird, but it was a pretty good movie.
Now I’m going to go sleep away the rest of the day, as I won’t be going to bed early tonight (Desperate Housewives and Grays Anatomy is on).
Posted by Sarcastica @
3:17 pm |
guilty
One Second 2 Late, xo Elliot, and Cam are all playing tonight at JP’s. Caitlin invited me to go, and I really want to. If all works out then I will be going. Shannon’s going too, which should be interesting. My only problem is I promised JD I would hang out with her, and although she says she isn’t mad, I know she is. I’d be mad. I wanted her to come too, but she didn’t want to because “she doesn’t like OS2L or concrets”. I don’t think she’s even been to a concret, but all I know is I have been in this house for three weekends in a row and my cabin fever has already started. I’ll be stuck here after my surgery, so all I really want to do is get out and have some fun with a bunch of friends and just get out. I really want JD to come with me though…
I called Devon. Stupid mistake, but hey, he bitched about not being invited to hang out tonight when we all going to go to the movies, so I figured I’d see if he wanted to go to JP’s. He sounded all cool and nice on the phone, and told me that he was going to visit his mom’s boyfriends mom because she was taking him to BC over March Break and he had to do some major sucking up (I forgot about that, he told us on Wed) and we talked for a bit, then I asked him why he was being sarcastic and rude yesterday, thinking that he had some sort of thing on his mind and wanted to talk about it. He said I was like that everyday to him, and started getting all defensive and bitchy with me. So we ended up agruing about it. He expects me to act all cheerful and happy even though he hurt me, he expects that I don’t get upset at all over it. Oook then buddy. So then I asked him what that “great diss” was he had yesterday, and he said “I stopped myself from saying it” or whatever, then I told him to just tell me… and he said, after a pause, “I didn’t have anything to say. I was just trying to sound cooler.” So yay, lie number one straight to my face (or over the phone). I’m not doing this again, I’m not putting up with his lies and bullshit. I refuse to let him do what he did in grade nine. After another pause in the conversation, he said “Well… I have to go. My cousins here and we’re drinking hot chocolate”. Again, the old patterns just keep appearing. He told me he changed, that he was just disconnected in grade nine. So why is he repeating the patterns? Why am I letting him?
Because he’s my friend, and I don’t want to be just another person that gave up on him.
Posted by Sarcastica @
3:54 pm |
I did one too…
Jessica [noun]: A lewd street performer.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:50 am |
and now I have a headache
Today Chris L and David G fought in the lunchroom, at the time I just so happened to be ordering fries with Devon, and he tried to go and see what was happening but I pulled him back because 1) he had the money and 2) there was no way he could have seen over the mass of people to actually watch the fight. David “worked” Chris, and I bet they’re both suspended. A teacher had to walk over a table to get to them, which was funny. It was a huge crowd, practically the whole school was in the lunchroom.
Devon was being a sarcastic bitch all day, so I’m mad at him [again], but really, what else is new? I’m sick of his attitude and bullshit. If he wants to hang out with us then he needs to shut the hell up about everything and stop being such an idiot. I asked Johnny if he had a dollar and Devon said not to give me one, jokingly I said “After all I’ve done for you Johnny? I’m not talking to you anymore” and Devon said “Oh, that’s all it takes? What I wouldn’t give for that to happen”. Ever since he found out that other guys were interested in me, he’s been acting that way, and its really beginning to tick me off. JD dissed him really good after he said “All I do is hang out with bitchy women,” she said “Yeah, and you still can’t get any,” then everyone but him laughed, and he said “I could so say something, but I’m a nice person.” We pestered him but he wouldn’t say whatever it was, then told me I would get mad because it was about me, like what the hell I didn’t even diss him! His behaviour is pissing me off, and he claims to act like that everyday, trust me if he was an asshole everyday then I wouldn’t be talking to him.
Anyway, thirty minutes before school ended, I left the library to wonder around with Alex C. We went down to the foods classroom because they were making brownies and there was ice cream involved. The only brownies left over were supposivly “special brownies”, but I was unaware of this until I had a few. I feel fine though, no side affects other then a sore stomach (chocolate sometimes does that to me).
The plans for this weekend have kinda…come undone. I’m no longer going to the movies with David (not David G, a different one), because I have no money and I really don’t think its going to go anywhere. Plus I sorta don’t want it to go anywhere, guys are bitchy and annoying a lot of the time. I think I’ll just invite Kyla and JD over to watch movie and eat junk food. Basically the same thing I do every weekend.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:43 pm |
gotta love him
I was just talking to my Papa (briefly) online. As usual, the conversation was sweet - but short.
Me: Hi Papa, what are you doing?
Papa: tryin to tpye with one finger
Me: why would you do that when you have nine more?
Papa: i only use those to pick my nose
Me: you need all nine to pick your nose?
Papa: by by
Me: bye…
Posted by Sarcastica @
7:51 pm |
i’d dig a hole….
That’s JD’s answer to everything, when asked what she would do if the world had a second ice age, like in The Day After Tomorrow, she said she would dig a hole and live there. Sometimes, that idea doesn’t sound so bad. Hiding under my blankets for the rest of this winter also sounds very appealing… the only thing preventing me (outside my parents of course) is my friends. I basically go to school for them, and getting up every morning is just something you do, with or without wanting too. I know everyone, at some point, would love to just dig a hole or hide under the blankets instead of facing their problems, but they face them anyway.
So I guess we’ve all got to go on and face our problems, even though that hole sounds real nice sometimes.
Posted by Sarcastica @
6:40 pm |
and what happens next?
Today was - well, today. As usual I have nothing of importance to report. My Occupational Therapist came to speak with me today, to make sure everything is in order for my surgery. I have to get a weeks worth of homework from all my teachers, then it’s March Break so I’m basically supposed to play it by ear (I think thats the saying she said, but I’m not sure. I was focused on the rust spot on the ceiling and thinking about how ghetto our schools becoming). At lunch, Adam, Kyla, Jessica F and I all went to Subway. Devon followed, why I don’t know as he didn’t order anything and got all mad because Kyla and I were trying to figure out what we were doing this weekend (the plan doesn’t include him, but a double date with her and Adam, and me and this guy named David. Whom I’ve decided to give a chance, that is if he still wants it).
I recieved an email from Susan, one of the foundors of the MHE and me website. She hopes that I will volunteer to be on the MHE committee, as a part of the Teen Scene which she hopes to make a regular feature with the help of Mandy, a few other teens with MHE and myself. I’ll work as an advisor for the MHE and me website to help develop information that is important to teens. It sounds pretty good, I just don’t know where I would start.
I have recieved a few emails asking me what my wrist surgery is for. As this is a “day in the life of me” blog-type-thing, I have a different page where it explains all about it if you care to read it, so clicky-click. It’s just to clear up some confusion people may or may not have.
Anyway, as of tomorrow [I think] the secretaries and janitors of my school are going on strike, I think it has something to do with the fact that they have been working without a contract, but I’m not sure. You should see my school after lunch one day, I can’t imagine what its going to look like without the janitors. The students at our school are pigs, and they never pick up or clean up after themselves. I do, only because the prinicple always catches me on those rare times I do leave my garbage somewhere, and that only happens if I get distracted (which sometimes happens easily). It will probably be choas because the Secretaries keep track of everyone, without them then all the students will run wild, and there will probably be several emergancies. Of course, I’m not going to take advantage of this and cause hell - that’s probably a lie, oh well.
Posted by Sarcastica @
4:37 pm |
Sexual Steak Knifes Batman!!!
Myspace is highly amusing for the very bored sixteen year old girl with nothing better to do, especially when you have such amusing friends like Robyn.
Anyway, I went back to school today. He didn’t even act like we had that conversation… and that pissed me off even more. He still acted the same, but hopefully he caught my drift, cause I sure as hell wasn’t acting the same…in fact I was practically ignoring him and flirting with a bunch of near by guys. I’m bitter and spiteful, I know. I shouldn’t punish someone for not liking me, but to act like we never even talked? To act like nothing happened? I guess I should act like nothing happened either, but in a way that hurts more then facing the fact that I did tell him how I felt (to a certain extent at least) and that he said those ridiculous words.
Not to mention, my work (or ex-work?) was at my school today at lunch, they had that little table set up right where my friends and I hang out - so they were watching me all through lunch, or at least it felt like it anyway. Lorianne was probably plotting my death. I still haven’t quit yet, at least not offically, although they suspect it. It’s not like their whinning for me to stay, like they did Kathrynn. I hate them. I hate not having my own money, but I hate them. At least I get some time off in between jobs, which I will spend being bored out of my mind.
In English, Johnny (who’s kinda cute by the way) and Ryan were bothing convinced I was on some sort of drug and tripping out. I felt light headed and ditzy all through class, not my usual self. I kinda felt high, even though I was on no medication or drugs what so ever - at all. Not even pain killers or cold caplets. That reminds me, I have English homework. Anyway, I think it was because I didn’t eat breakfast or lunch. I never have breakfast because I never have time for it, and today at lunch Kyla and I were handing our survey for Anthro out to a bunch of the students and getting data in. This project is really big, if I don’t get perfect on it then I won’t get into Writers Craft next year, that goes for English too. I have to pass those classes with awesome, sky high marks, or I won’t get that waiver from the prinicple (who I hate also, by the way).
Posted by Sarcastica @
6:48 pm |
