Life Goes On
I talked to Kathrynn today while we were organizing our Biology notebooks for the exam tomorrow, about the whole Brandon situation and what he said to me last night. She said he might still like me and is just saying that stuff because he knows he was an idiot and he knows I won’t ever go back out with him, but we won’t ever know because we aren’t in his head. I don’t want to be in his head. All I want is to forget about it, I know I’m bringing it up again but oh well. I guess it hurt hearing all that from the guy that I thought liked me a lot, I mean I must have been really off when I thought he liked me, haha. Oh well, he played me and still thinks he’s the Daddy Mac, which is hyerstical. Where is this generations sense of empathy? One day all the stuff that he’s done and said is going to catch up with him. I’ll be laughing when it does happen. I may be “ugly” and “boring”, but so what? I’m better then him, because I don’t go around saying things like that to people. I think before I act (usually), and my life actually has direction. His doesn’t, it’s all about drugs and partying. I’m actually going to be someone, I’m going to accomplish something. And when I get to college there will be more guys to choose from. Of course this generation has no respect for promises or common courtesy, at least not at this moment. One day they’ll smarten up, right?
Anyway, it was JD’s birthday today, after our Art exam we went to her house and waited for Kyla to show up, then we went uptown to rent movies and get junk food. I bought JD a small cake from Yummy Pleasures, and wow, that Death By Chocolate cake really was a death by chocolate, haha. I hope she had fun, I know it wasn’t Gordon in a cake (inside joke, don’t ask) but maybe she enjoyed watching Corpse Bride and The Forty Year Old Virgin, or having the cake. The truth is, guy’s suck. I know Gordon promised her that he would go, and it probably bites major ass that he broke that promise but JD can do so much better, just like I can.
In other news, Kathrynn and I write our Biology Exam tomorrow, then we’re done. It should be easy, I have my notebook organized and the review is done. Wish me luck! I find out either tomorrow or Thursday if I passed Art, so keep your fingers crossed. We had to actually draw, and I’m not too great with that. So yeah, lets just hope that I passed.
Posted by Sarcastica @
11:20 pm |
Sick of these tears….
I think my Parenting exam went ok (in case any of you cared). I answered everything but one or two questions and I’m sure I did alright on the report we had to write (yeah, she made us write a report on our exam. What a nice person). Tomorrow I write my Art Exam (eek!) and it’s JD’s seventeenth birthday (double eek! I’m out of money now!). This is really a bad week to try and throw a little gathering together for JD, with exams and everything. Kyla thought we should push it to Friday so we could rent movies and spend the night at her house. I think that sounds more appealing, but I still want to do something with JD on her birthday.
It’s offical, they can’t get me in for an MRI scan before Feb. 6th so my surgery is now on March sixth. This gives me all of Feb for whatever it is I want to do. I can go to the Valentines Dance at SYG, as well as a few more clubnights, and for some odd reason Kyla wanted to know if I’d be in the hospital for Valentines day. Guess she knows someone willing to be my date, haha. Right, I think I read far to many fairy tales. Last time, my prince in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.
Actually I’m talking to that loser in aluminium foil now, could someone please tell me what I ever saw in this guy? Currently he’s calling me “boring” and “not funny” after I made a joke (I asked him if he had a job yet and he said yes, when I asked him where he said “all over” of course, I replied with “what your whoring yourself out now?”) I told him I had a muture sense of humour, and you had to have a developed brain to understand it, he said I still wasn’t funny and that I was “boaring” I retorted with at least I could spell boring (yes, I’m oh so mature but honestly, why was I so upset over this moron?) .
I guess that’s what I get for trying to be polite to my ex-boyfriend. He’s such an idiot, I mean if you guys were just involved in this conversation, you’d know why I’m most likely to live alone. If this is as good as it gets, a few cats and a dog or two sounds like amazing company. I told him he had some issues, he said I did and then when I asked him what they were, he said (and I quote) :”your ugly ummmmm none of my friends liked u ummmmmmm i dont think u have a chance with any guys and ya bout raps it up“. Ok ouch. Like major ouch. Obviously you can tell this guy isn’t too bright. I retorted to that, telling him I didn’t give to shits whether or not his friends liked me and that he had no idea about my love life (I didn’t respond to the me being ugly part, as I agree with that, and there is no way in hell he’s right about no guys liking me, I’ve got guys that like me. That David guy and that Marco guy like me, I just don’t like them. I’m sick of dealing with retards like Brandon). I asked him “If I’m so fucked and ugly, then why in the hell would you go out with me?” He said “naw i do it for fun and i gatta go my girlfriend is wait ing for me oh and by the way this jess isnt anyoing or unattractive peace out“. Reality check Brandon: the Jessica your currently dating is fat with scabby acne, and soon you’ll tire of her or she’ll smarten up and dumb your fat ass.
I brought this on myself by talking to him. I just thought that by now he would grow up a little, and we could talk like normal, civilized people, but he obviously hasn’t. He’s a complete asshole to me and it really hurts. Why did my first time have to be with someone who had absolutly no respect for me or cared about me in the least way? Why am I so stupid??? I know why this hurts me, because Brandon was my first “actual” boyfriend, you know, the one you hang out with often, your first meaningful kiss…that kind of thing. Puppy love I guess, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about him. I don’t anymore, I just find it upsetting that someone like him has absolutly no empathy towards other people. You’d think he could show a little more compassion to me, after all we went through, after all he took from me. This guy owes me about forty dollars in cash from Kyla’s party. Because I was busy the night before Kyla’s Halloween party, I loaned him some money to buy booze for us for Kyla’s party. I thought eighty bucks would get us loaded, but then I found out that forty bucks was apparently stollen from him by Rob and Jerry, but Jerry told Kathryn (his girlfriend) that Brandon gave it too them to buy shrooms, and I found out that he was doing shrooms on the Sunday after Kyla’s party. So all this really doesn’t add up now does it? All I want is my pride back, and that forty bucks. I could use that forty bucks right now. Not that Brandon gives two shits about other people.
Posted by Sarcastica @
1:41 pm |
Eeek!!!
Oh wow, in less then an hour and a half I’ll be writing my Parenting exam. This is when the panic sents in for not studying. Sure I did the review, but there was no way in hell I was going to memorzie all that crap. Kyla doesn’t have the internet, so she couldn’t do the report on Shaking Baby Syndrome. I really want to know what in someones right might would possess them to shake a baby, I mean doesn’t the whole common sense kick in like ever?
Anyway, wish me luck. I’m going to need it.
Posted by Sarcastica @
8:57 am |
Boring Sudays
Day’s like today convince me that its good the weekend only has two days. I wasn’t at school on Friday because I had no exam, so my weekend started a day before everyone elses. JD slept over on Friday night, we watched movies, ate popcorn, and went on the computer - like we always do. I bet she’s really sick of doing the same old thing all the time at my house, oh well.
I guess I could be studying for my exams and finishing up my Parenting review, but I don’t know. My books are in front of me and I just don’t feel like opening them right now, partly because the Parenting review is the stupidest thing I have ever tried to do, I mean theres 25 questions of really stupid things, like “Describe in point form how TV advertisements contribute to poor health in children.” Um, ok, firstly I don’t ever remember even covering that but sure, I’ll just google it and get my answer that way. I have a pretty high mark in Parenting going into the review anyway, and I’m sure I’ll do fine on the exam. It’s my Art exam I’m mostly concerned about, I know my mark going into the exam isn’t too hot and I’m supposed to know all the Roman Art History crap we learned (but I never read the handout and I’m pretty sure I threw it away) plus all the other handouts. Lesson learned: pay attention in art, no matter how boring and annoying your Art teachers voice is. And hand in all assignments, no matter how late. I know I’m good for Biology, it’s open book and I have all the notes and I finished the review, so I’m good. I’m mostly worried about Art, how sad is that? The easiest subject to take and I almost fail it every year because I don’t do the work or pay attention in class?
Well, I’m off to study. All this talk of how close I am to failing Art has made me open those stupid books. I still think I’m going to fail Art though.
Posted by Sarcastica @
2:28 pm |
Finally tagged! [I think]
By the looks of it, I’ve gotten tagged by Karen, however I’m not one hundred percent sure as she was goofy on Nyquil but I’ll do it anyway, who want’s to get their ass kicked by some person doped up on Nyquil? No disrespect, yo!
1. When you were really little, what did you want your life to be like as an adult?
I’ve always wanted to be a Princess that lived in a huge castle with maids and a kind, handsome, rich Prince as my husband…I still want that.
2. What misconceptions did you have about sex?
Well my mom used to tell me that when a mommy and daddy loved each other a lot and were married, they would kiss and a stork would bring them a baby. I believed that until I was in grade four.
3. What do you dream about?
Usually weird things, last night I dreampt that my friends and I were being hunted down by this crazy guy, thanks to House of Wax. Sometimes I dream about the future, haha.
4. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do to someone you looked up to?
So far, nothing to the extreme. I’ve had to tell my parent’s I was wrong before…but nothing that serious.
5. Describe each of your family members using one word only.
Dad-Strong, Mom-Dependable, Shannon-Free, Kathrynn-Stubborn, Josephine-Consistant
6. Name something you believed as a child, that you now know isn’t true.
That you could grow up to be a cat if you really wanted too…
7. What interest would you like to pursue further?
Writing.
8.If you could take back one thing you regret, what would it be?
The foolish things I did last year.
9. What are you most thankful for?
Family, love, friendships.
10. Describe yourself in one word.
Different.
Alright everyone, so I got my wish to be tagged. I guess the next step is me tagging other people? I don’t know many people though… alright, I’ll just tag the people I know read my blog sometimes.
I tag JD; Adam, and Cristie.
I’m halfway there to my life long dream of being a princess!
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:05 am |
They Say
Everyone handles things differently, and some people have different ways of handling the same thing with different people. Do you still follow? Some people mask the pain they feel inside for the convinence of others, but if you don’t let go of the pieces then the pain will only increase. If you keep everything inside then things will never get solved. The majority of us know this, yet we still burry things deep within so no one else can see. How can you expect anyone else to walk in your shoes if you hide them? They can’t. So what’s the better route, being over-exposed or under-exposed? I’m guilty of doing all that, hiding the real issues deep within and over reacting to little things, and I apologize. I’m trying to face these demons from within, but not expose them to everyone else. My mom always says don’t hang your dirty laundry for everyone else to see, and I have to say thats a pretty good quote, so I try to follow her advice and save my problems for those that are worthy friends who will lend me a shoulder to cry on when I need it.
There’s so much pain and suffering in this world that we all have to stumble through, and everyone is blinded by their own problems. There are the rare few that can see through their sorrow to those around them that are also suffering in different ways. Many of us have forgotten how to reach out to others, and its sad how divided the world is. Between all the different kinds of faith and beliefs, we’ve managed to convince ourselves that only what we believe is right. I do believe in a higher power, that there is something out there, but if there is then why would He allow this world to become so divided in their beliefs?
Maybe I know nothing, after all I’m only a sixteen year old girl. Maybe some of you will frown down on my opinions because I’m still a little girl, and I still haven’t experienced anything worthy of your time or attention. If I find my shoes, I’ll let you walk in them.
Posted by Sarcastica @
1:23 pm |
I’m not right, but…neither are you.
I really am sick and tired of arguing with people. There is no way to make your opinion heard without causing a fight with anyone, so it’s best to just bite the lower lip, grind your teeth and ignore it - then think about it at home. Most people take offence to what you say, even if it is the truth, or at least a small portion of it. Some people know what your saying is right, but they still don’t like hearing it. I’m not saying that with every single arguement I’ve had with someone I’ve been right, but I’m not saying I’ve been wrong either.
So, what am I saying then?
Posted by Sarcastica @
11:14 am |
Where’s the mental health guide when you need it?
What a shitty day. All morning I was feeling sick and didn’t want to leave the house if you know what I mean, then I go to school at lunch and bring the digital camera that JD wanted me to bring in hopes of it cheering her up slightly about the fact that I couldn’t go over to her house (as I had missed the first part of the day being sick). She still got mad at me because apparently I’m never aloud to hang out with her but I am aloud to hang out with Kyla and them. I’m so sick of this kind of attitude, if someone wasn’t aloud to come to my place I’d shrug it off and make plans for another night, and seeing as one can’t help it when they feel sick its really a stupid reason for being mad at someone. Why do I have to feel guilty for being sick? Then she pointed out that I went out last night. Ok…so lets see I’m not aloud to hang out with other friends? How was I supposed to know that I was going to miss the morning and not be aloud to go to her house? I’m mostly pissed off because for the rest of the day JD sulked and made me feel bad.
Anyway, one slightly amusing thing happened today. Crystal, Adam, Kyla and I were all sitting in Rob’s car listening to music (he left and told us not to drive anywhere, and Adam being the prune he is wouldn’t drive us to McDonalds haha) and we decided to take a bunch of pictures. There’s a funny one of Kyla and Adam, but I won’t put it online. I really liked this one of us girls though.
There’s Crystal, me and then Kyla on the far right.
And that was basically my day. Exams start tomorrow but I don’t have one tomorrow so I get the day off! Yay, time for sleep and studying. I don’t really feel like going camping so I must call NB and tell her I’m not able to go, besides I really do want to pass my Art exam.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:02 pm |
Mental Health and High School, a guide for students
Wow, they’ve started giving out little booklets to all the grade nines that give information for teens struggling with mental health problems, with or without an actual diagnosis. I’ve been reading it, because Jo got it tonight at the meeting my high school gave to all the little grade nines. I’ve read a lot of the “signs of trouble”, and I have almost all of them, which is rather hysterical. My only question is why did they start handing out these booklets? Isn’t it rather odd? I mean teens have been telling their parents forever that high school is horrible and that you go crazy there and you’d rather die then go to school, why are they suddeningly acknowledging that high school causes mental illness?
Anyway, after a rather pointless day at the mental illness causing high school I go to, I went to Molson’s place with Crystal and Kyla. We hung out, just listening to music and trying on all of Molson’s clothes (she has the cutest top from Garage that looks really good on me, I’d so steal it from her if I ever had anywhere to wear it), talking and eating junk food. Molson pulled Kyla in the bathroom to tell her that she absolutly did not like Chris, and there would never be anything between them. She had told Crystal she wouldn’t date him only because she wasn’t interested and I liked him. I’m not even sure if I like him, I mean you know how these high school crushes are, we all have mental illnesses and hop from one guy to the next within days. (Or at least after you’ve been told in your dreams).
In other news, I’m feeling a bit better today. Well, I’m still feeling “meh” but as Josephine said yesterday, I don’t need to look like shit to feel like it haha. I’m still feeling lazy though. I’ve analyzed my “situation” and I’ve realized that its because of exams. The extra work the teachers have us doing is pathetic, and I guess I’m showing my stress by being withdrawn and quite, not as out going as I usually am. I guess I’m afraid that I’m going to fail all my classes. Well I know I won’t fail them all but I know that if I bomb the Art exam then I will fail that class, and who fails Art?
Anyway, tomorrow I might be going to JD’s house. To do what I do not know, probably just take pictures of each other. I hope I can bring the digital camera, but I really don’t want to be responsible for it. I mean I already damaged it some, and I don’t want to damage it any more. In fact, while taking that picture I totally dropped the camera and it went black. Of course when I turned it on and off it was fine but I think I’ll avoid touching it for a while.
After our Art exam, I think a bunch of us are going to go to JD’s place to celebrate her seventeenth birthday and buy a cake from this bake shop called Yummy Pleasures, apparently it’s owned by two gay guys that are so nice. How cool’s that? I can’t wait to meet them. Anyway, I’ve got to get some sleep. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately, and I really need my beauty sleep.
Posted by Sarcastica @
10:28 pm |
Pimping
You can probably tell that its been one of those days for me. It’s not that I’m mad, sad, or upset at anything…I just haven’t felt the urge to be very…me-ish. I barely put on any makeup this morning because I was just too lazy. At lunch I’ll admit that I was slightly upset that Chris and Molson walked back to the school from Coffee Time together and everyone said “Ohh Michelle and Chris!” It was almost like people were rubbing it in my face, asking if there was anything going on between Molson and Chris and saying there should be. Although in truth, hardly anyone (besides for Kyla, Molson, Crystal, Rob and possibly Adam) knows I like him, and most of them all think I’m over him. I guess I am, it’s just the principle of things.
Why does high school have to suck so much? I mean theres all those groups of friends (I’m in a combined group ever since Kyla and Adam started dating) and agruments between different groups, for instance, since this guy named Ricky and his friend Brandon started coming to our school, theres a whole group of them, mostly frontnacs, that think they’re gansta. Literally. It’s annoying talking to any of them because you can’t understand a single word that comes out of their mouths. “Yo bro, why u gotta be like dat” etc only multiply that being annoying times a thousand, and that’s what its like talking to Ricky. This guy once pulled a knife on someone at our school because they said “Racial check, your white“, I mean he has issues. His group of friends is full of all these grade nine and ten girls who dress so sluttly, and its even worse because they all are rather fat so their fat hangs out over every article of clothing they own. They look like they shop at “Miss Teen” stores, like my thirteen year old sister does. Plus I’ve heard some pretty nasty stories, that they all sleep around together. Gross! I mean I’m close with my friends, but not that close nor would I ever want to be! Anyway, my point is I’m so sick of people trying to be something their not (in this groups case: ganstas). I’m also sick of having to listen to these people talk, I could understand solid German better then I can these people talking. These wanna-be ganstas have ruined our lovely hick school, causing choas and playing very loud music at lunch on steros they carry around. Ricky caused quite the stirr when he started dating a grade tweleves little sister (who’s in grade nine. Oh, I failed to mention Ricky and his crew are all in grade eleven…although they have the intellegence of a bunch of grade two’s from the “ghetto”) too bad Dan didn’t knock all Ricky’s teeth out.
There are many types of “popular” people at our school. There’s the “mean popular girls” and the “aragant popular boys” as well as the “nice to everyone group” and the “smart group” and the lists goes on and on. People generally love my friends and I because we’re fun. We don’t care what people think about us (well in my case I don’t act like I care). We’re highly amusing to be around.
I really don’t get people like this one girl, I think I called her Sarah* in earlier posts. Every day for the past three weeks she walsts into Art class with only ten minutes to go and tells the teacher she was late because “she was sick”. Sarah’s always sick. There hasn’t been a single day this year when she hasn’t been sick. So, naturally, I’ve taking to commently (loudly and rudely) whenever she does come to class “Oh look, there’s Sarah! What’s wrong with you today Sarah?”. Art isn’t difficult, she only skips it because she can walk all over our Art teacher with a few words of “it’s because I am anemic” or something. Honestly, if she was anemic, then she wouldn’t need to take full period walks around the school, she would need more rest. But of course she persists to sit there and talk about how she needs to get all these needles and crap. Please, for the sake of everyone else, shut up Sarah.
Well folks, I’ve got to finish my Biology review. The week before Exams sucks, as we’re loaded down with homework. I hope you all enjoyed listening to me bitch about everything and nothing, as it’s what I’m best at.
*Names have been changed…to protect my ass from “Sarah’s” mother, who would hit me with a Bible for this.
Posted by Sarcastica @
5:02 pm |
